Be Inspired

The last post

2007-08-12T02:12:00.000+08:00

i'm abandoning this blog alr.
dont ask me why or what.
kind of pointless to blog eh.
i can no longer figure out this blog's purpose alr.
so well.
(:

"Vacation"
Written by me.
In the world where light is dim.
The portrait i seek cant be seen.

As the leaf got blown away.
As the water flow, the face cleanse.
The shadow stared in dismay.
Loneliness sets in, the paralzed sense.

Leaving no dirt and tears.
Its all written all over the face.
It traced back the fear.
So fast so sleek, losing the pace.

Its all done now.
Going for a vacation.
Its all gone now.
There goes his anticipation.
Its about time now my girl.
I'm weak, the love i cant suppress.
I should go now Princess.
The oblivion is calling out for my presence.

The the solitude where my heart you bind.
Your green i love i cant find.

With the flame i cant ignite.
Tears they fall i cant defy.
Alone am i straded without your light.
If time could turn, i would hold you tight.

With the music hold your scent behind.
Emotions they stir with my headphone on.
Another moment wasted in the lonely night.
Drown in thoughts with your favourite song.

Its all done now.
Going for a vacation.
Its all gone now.
There goes his anticipation.
Its about time now my girl.
I'm weak, the love i cant suppress.
I should go now Princess.
The oblivion is calling out for my presence.

I cant hear.
I cant see.
I cant feel.
There i go undiscovered.
On my vacation.
This is the song i wrote for you.
Its you and only you.

Song dedicated for myself.
Drinking for 11 by Mad Caddies.
drinking for a livin', that's just what I do,
When I'm not with you, my heart goes to bed

End of the bar, that's just where I'll be,
Don't try and come find me,
'Cause I'm already dead

With one eye tied upon the open road,
I feel your presence and I can't let it go
It moves so slowly as it creeps into my mind,
Steals every breath I have and leaves my heart behind

I wanna know what you're feeling if you're feeling alone,
I wanna hear if you still care
The last time I remember you was the last time I wasn't scared

When the night starts fadin' and the mornin' arrives,
I wanna still feel you around
Will you creep into my head again and pick me up off the ground?
Once more, tell me what you're fighting for

Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
There's nowhere left to stay

Sometimes I feel like I'm out here all alone,
Just one in a million stuck with no place left to go

Fear steps up to me with every move that I make
Following close behind my soul it wants to take

I wanna know what you're feeling if you're feeling alone,
I wanna hear if you still care
The last time I remember you was the last time I wasn't scared

When the night starts fadin' and the mornin' arrives
I wanna still feel you around
Will you creep into my head again and pick me up off the ground?
Once more, tell me what you're fighting for

Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
Gotta try, gotta try for tomorrow
you can't see through today
There's nowhere left to stay

Drinking for a livin', that's just what I do,
When I'm not with you, my heart goes to bed.

Song dedicated for the past.
Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney.
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah

Song dedicated for now.
Scar by Papa Roach.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

Song dedicated for everything.
The Last Song by The All American Rejects.
This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song?
For you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal
And now I sing it
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Will you need me now
You'll find a way somehow
You wanted to
I want it too

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Weakness

2007-08-11T00:08:00.000+08:00

well.
no one is perfect.
each of us has our own flaws and weaknesses.
its about how we overcome it.
how we hide it.
how we remove it.
the road we live.
we grow as we do.
we learn as we do.
people blame themselves for certain mistakes.
its okay.
but dont get drowned.
whether you live or die.
its stuck into you.
you gotta live with them somehow.
am i right or am i wrong.

I too have weaknesses.
Over-confident.
i think too highly of myself.
i boast, brag and is arrogant.
i believe in myself too much.
so much that i kind of hate it to depend on others.

Stubborn.
yes i'm strong headed.
even if i'm weak, worn out.
i wont give in.
i'll figure something out myself.
i wont be a burden to others.

Foolish.
i'm always doing things that defy others.
especially the high authorities.
perhaps its something i do to enjoy.

Curious.
Yes its okay to be curious.
but i think i'm over the limits.
i dont learn until i got bitten.
sometimes i dont learn even after getting bitten.
thats why i always have to learn things the hard way.

Reserved.
Depending on the matters at hand.
i tend to be too reserved for emotional stuffs.
the tendency to keep everything to myself.

they say.
i'm the happiest person they ever known.
i say.
its not easy being me.

she say.
saying everything in one day wont be fun.
i think.
its more that you have nothing else to say.

she say.
you're too young to die.
i say.
life is unpredictable.
for i will. soon enough.

Evanescence - My Immortal
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

Impossible

2007-08-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

practically actually everything is possible.
its how you work things out.
if you have the right ingredients, the right time.
anything is possible.
even a perfect muder.
or a forever young body.

but theres one little thing is not possible i think.
is to penetrate a human mind.
to understand, control, predict and love.
maybe it is.
for wad i know.
i dont think so.
there are things that just happen magically.
like love.
theres no explanation.
perhaps.

"Vacation" by me.
currently unfinished.
feedbacks will be considered.
lack of inspirations now.
to be continued.
here is goes.

"In the world where light is dim.
The portrait i seek cant be seen.

As the leaf got blown away.
As the water flow, the face cleanse.
The shadow stared in dismay.
Loneliness sets in, the paralzed sense.

Leaving no dirt and tears.
Its all written all over the face.
It traced back the fear.
So fast so sleek, losing the pace.

Chorus:
Its all done now.
Going for a vacation.
Its all gone now.
There goes his anticipation.
Its about time now my girl.
I'm weak, the love i cant suppress.
I should go now Princess.
The oblivion is calling out for my presence."

I hate this song by Secondhand Serenade.
Speak with your tongue tied,
I know that you're tired
But I just want to know,
Where you want to go,
I may be sad, But I'm not weak,
This situation is bleak
And you puffy eyes never lie,
Your tears come from inside.

Until Sunday I'll be waiting for an answer
I guess that yesturday's not good enough for you,
You know that I hate this song,
You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you

Drown your fears with me
I'm feeling real sorry
Your glossy eyes don't need
The sadness they have seen
But you're way too deep to swim
Back up again
But somehow I can't find
The moment you said goodbye

Until Sunday I'll be waiting for an answer
I guess that yesturday's not good enough for you,
You know that I hate this song,
You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you

This is becoming a problem
I'm hurting it's unfair
But somehow your words,
The way that I heard are haunting me,
You're under my skin
You're breaking in,
And the tasteless fights that filled our nights
Are starting to cave in,
You're under my skin
You're breaking in
And if Sundays what it takes to prove
I have nothing else to lose

Until Sunday I'll be waiting for an answer
I guess that yesturday's not good enough for you,
You know that I hate this song,
You know that I hate this song
Because it was written for you

Unpredictable

2007-08-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

this post is inspired by both the book 'Twilight' and the movie 'Perfect Stranger'.

both of them amazing depict how unpredictable and complicated a mind can be.
from the behind scenes touch up to the on show act.
we're all unpredictable.
who really understand us actually.
who really know what we're thinking.
who really know what we know.
by theory theres none.

to come around.
sometimes even ourselves dont know us that well.
or do we not.

its a shame.
of how some people behave and think.
their vile concept.
their selfish mindset.
their crude actions.
how they set up their own kind.
how they bit the people who help them.
the betrayal.
how they turned their back on other.
are you one of them.
or are you not.

its a pride.
their sacrifice.
their unconditional love.
their worthy existance.
how they defend their own kind.
how they fought for people they love.
their amazing grace.

what are you.
who are you.
its your choice.
its your life.

Twilight.
by Stephenie Meyer.
maybe you'll know what i'm doing and thinking all along.

Letters to you by Finch.
Can't you see that I wanna be there with open arms?
It's empty tonight
And I'm all alone
Get me through this one

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?

I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so

I'm writing again, these letters to you
On much I know
But I'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart

Do you notice I'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?

I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so

No more looking
I've found her

I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you, I miss you

I've gone away

crude

2007-07-29T21:42:00.000+08:00

worlds crude. lifes screwed. fuck life.
gross isn't it.
(:

as the music stops.
the echo stays.
only in the light.
the shadow can be seen.

Untitled

2007-07-26T22:46:00.000+08:00

"Everythings' actually everything but the everything consist of something labelled nothing."

Lets play a game.
Decipher the message i'm trying to pass down with the statement above.
I'll let you ask a question.
Answered truthfully that is.
One try allowed.
(:

The Last Song Ever by Secondhand Serenade.
I wish my life was this song
cause songs they never die
I could write for years and years
and never have to cry
I’d show u how I feel
Without saying a word
I could rap up both our hearts
I know it sounds absurd

And i saw the tears on ur face
I shot u down and i slammed the door
But couldn’t make a sound
So please stay sweet my dear
Don’t hate me now
I cant tell how this last song ends

The way that i feel tonight so down so down
I pray i can swim just so i wont drown
And the waves that crash over me
I am gasping for air
Take my hand so i can breath
As i write this last song down

And i saw the tears on ur face i shot u down
And i slammed the door but couldn’t make a sound
So please stay sweet my dear
Don’t hate me now
I cant tell how this last song ends

The broken glass
Your moistened skin
Was everything was everything

And your broken voice
Was quivering
Your everything your everything

Scream at me make it the best i ever heard
Laugh out loud i know it sounds absurd

Scream at me make it the best i ever heard
Your everything your everything

Heart beats slowing pains are growing
Does she love you that’s worth knowing

Heart beats slowing pains are growing
Does she love you that’s worth knowing

Life:Enjoy

2007-07-16T23:11:00.000+08:00

here was i once again.
busy. really really busy.
projects, birthday celebrations and emo outings to vent anger.
i shall conclude my activities at the end.
yea was talking to a taxi driver once again.
well, i tink i'm taken a liking to do so lol.
so he was saying life is about enjoying.
so once a while he'll save money and go L.A for some enjoyment.
well.
i'm not saying what he did was right but in stead what he said was very right.
look here.
theres many people out there.
who want fame and wealth.
Condos and private apartment.
Slogging their asses off and end of the day?
to pay for all these junks.
purpose?
to show off?
to let people know their rich?
hey its stupid.
really stupid.
its like. so what if you're rich.
a poor man can be happier then you.
so whats life exactly about for you?
i wonder.
period.

alright alright.
i've been out til late, 5 am?
for the past 6 days?
tues was a bad day.
reason? TP discipline committee came some problems.
wed was justin BD and went to MOS.
heres there cute part.
i tink i'm the only idiot who will go clubbing and sit at one corner.
no idea it just turns me off totally.
except for the ciggerettes.
lol.
thurs?
well, terence BD so went to ChillZ.
drinking once again.
and i am able to carry a person one and a half my weight up the stairs and with two bag sling across my shoulder.
cool huh.
friday?
drinking with another group of friends.
o well.
and sat was celebration for Kaili bd.
July is so friggin happening.

so i guess.
i guess i know shit now.
lol.
and i tink,
i've got a new break through.
(:

Last Resort by Papa Roach
Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Dont give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort

Cut my life into pieces
Ive reached my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Dont give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonightChances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And Im contemplating suicide

Cuz Im losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me Im fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me Im fine

I never realized I was spread too thin
Till it was too late
And I was empty within
Hungry
Feeding on chaos
And living in sin
Downward spiral where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother
No love for myself
And no love for another
Searching to find a love up on a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

Cuz Im losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me in fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me Im fine
Nothings alright
Nothing is fine
Im running and Im crying
Im crying
Im crying
Im crying
Im crying

I cant go on living this way

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation
No breathing
Dont give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Would it be wrong
Would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation outta sight
And Im contemplating suicide

Cuz Im losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me Im fine
Losing my sight
Losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me Im fine
Nothings alright
Nothing is fine
Im running and Im crying

I cant go on living this way
Cant go on
Living this way
Nothings alright

Society

2007-07-11T02:57:00.000+08:00

well. i just got home from drinking and i'm semi drunk.
well. i'm having a little problem typing over so just bear with me ya.
lol.
was talking to the taxi driver about the society now so i realise i've got something to blog about (:

we were talking about the society.
as in how much it has changed.
he was saying like in his generation.
when couples were dating,
they dont even hold hands.
whats now.
during my generation,
it like most relationship starting during secondary school period.
now?
when primary 4 students say that they are have a bf/gf its not even surprising.
whats the world turning to man.
its really likw WTF OMG.
its like whats wrong with the youngsters nowadays.
are they able to think for god's sake.
perhaps i'm getting old here.
but either way.
things are getting out of hand.
definately.
and thats not a really good sign.
and that sucked.
totally sucked.
ultimate.
is this wad the society is turning into.
i seriously wonder.

PS:
i seriously hope things are still on the right track.
i'll try to make things right.
and fuck it.
the discipline matters regarding me are freaking getting out of hand.
and its like i'm getting kicked out of school.
you want me to apologise?
over my dead body.
bloody fuck.
screw you people.
i'm gonna make things right my way.
so be it.
fuckers.

Your call by Secondhand Serenade.
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
x4
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Reality

2007-07-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

Reality.
Illusions.
Are you living now.
As in are you living the way you want now.
Are you being who you are now.
Are you happy.
Are you satisfied.
No?
Yes?
Most people answer would be a no.
I'll come to that later.

Why aint you happy.
No money?
Cant get the person you love?
Cant realise your dream?
So many reasons.
Lets talk about need and want.
What is your want and what is your need.
Which will make you happy.
People always got confused between this.
There is a major difference between need VS want.
and ability VS desire.
Know your stand.
I can tell you this.
Even if you're happy.
How long you think your happiness can last.
Not for long isn't it.
Why is that so?
Simple.
Human desire never ends.
Interestingly.
We are the one we gave ourselves trouble.
How to be happy?
Figure that out yourself.

But know this fact.
No one is happy.
No one will.
For this is a fact that human desire never end, never stop.

So if you're someone who keep pondering what is happiness.
Why arent i happy.
Why are others so happy.
Why i cant be like them.
I can tell you this.
What you see is just their external facade.
Who knows if they are really happy inside.
So before you sink into your own oblivion.
Think twice or perhaps thrice.
If you think you're having the worse life here.
Think again.
If you think you're the most unhappy person.
Think again.
If you think you're most lonely person around.
Think again.
Once again.
Its your life.
Its your choice.
Period.

Another story to share.
Pretty similar to the grass story but more complicated.
Here theres a class taking their test results.
They were very unhappy and a teacher overheard their conversation.
They were saying things like.
"if only i studied that topic."
"If only i studied harder."
Thus the teacher decided on something.
To bring them to a apple farm.
*i choose apple coz i like apple lol*

So here was the teacher and the class.
The teacher said.
We will walk across this apple farm.
Each one of you are required to pick an apple.
But only one.
And you cant throw away once you picked it.
So at the end of the day.
All the student were at the end of the field with an apple in their hand.
So the teacher asked.
Is everyone satisfied with the apple in their hand.
Most said no.
The teacher asked why.
*PS:Heres the important part.*
Some said.
"After i picked my apple, i saw better ones infront."
"After picking my apple, i realise the better ones are at the start and i walked pass them already."
"If only i knew the better ones are at there, i would have waited or taken them, not missing the chance."

What am i trying to say.
I'm trying to say is.
Reality is harsh.
The apples are the choices we make.
The field is the path we walk.
And we cant turn back time nor take back our words.
Its our decision and we have to responsible for it.
Whats the point of thinking 'if only'.
If there were so many 'if only',
the world would be perfect.
sadly thats not reality, thats everyone's fantasy.
yes we do regrets our decision made.
we all make mistakes.
but should one probing and sink into their world of 'if only',
or learn their mistakes and move on.
Its your life.
Its your choice.
Period.

PS:
Fuck it.
Things dont seem to go as i planned.
Fuck it really.
Seems like i need to take further measures.
Anyway guys check this out.
i sent this to my careperson.
Everyone's gotta do it.
This is my art piece.
(:
Right click and save it.
HERE

A decade under the Influence by Taking Back Sunday
Sad, small, sweet, so delicate
We used to be this dying breed
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this

You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window...
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about...

Who's to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on

Sad, small, sure in porcelain
You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck
I got a bad feeling about this (when it comes to this)
I got a bad feeling about this

You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close to the window
I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about...

Who's to say you'll have to go (I could go all night)
Well say you'll have to go (I could go all...)
To hell with you and all your friends
To hell with you and all your friends, it's on

I got a bad feeling about this (what is this for?)
I got a bad feeling about...

Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone will do tonight
Anyone will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Anyone (anyone) will do tonight
Close your eyes, just settle, settle
Close your eyes, just settle, settle

Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this
I got a bad feeling about this (to hell with you and all your friends, it's on)
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
Well I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough,
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (in you...).
I'm coming over but it never was enough
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this,
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got a bad feeling about this (I am you)
I got it bad (I am you)
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad
I got it bad

Fear

2007-07-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

Fear.
Who dont have fear.
Be it those which exist or non-existance.
Be it those tangible or non-tangible.
Actually anything under the sun.
People fear.
Parents.
Teachers.
Ghost.
Spirits.
Pain.
Sorrow.
Height.
Loneliness.
Death.
You name it.
You got it.

Lets start with why people fear alright.
Reasons.
People fear because of past experience.
Because you know whats its like.
You don't wish it to happen again.
People fear because 'thats what they say'
I'd say its influence.
Because of what other people say.
You perceive it the way they perceive.
Thus they created this fear in you.
People fear cause of what they see.
Because the incidents are similar.
They have seen the outcome before.
Thus they fear.
Interesting isn't.
The funniest thing is.
People fear what they will eventually go through and those that doesn't exist.
Thats the joke.

Ghost.
Spirits.
Monsters.
Do they exist.
No they dont.
They are just what i call.
Inventions of imaginations.
Because of movies, shows.
You picture them to be scary and believe in their existance.
You fear them.

Death.
This is another thing i dont get it.
We all will eventually die.
Am i wrong to say that.
Why people fear death.
When its inevitable.
Such a waste.
Think about it.
Why not embrace it.
And meanwhile lead a better life.

Personally.
What i think is the most fearful of everything that ever existed.
is loneliness.
Just imagine.
A world where no other beings live.
You're alone.
Or a situation where the whole world turn their back on you and ignore you.
Thats the point when you'll wonder whats your existance for.
This is the most fearful.
Learn it.
Cherish friendship.
People.
Bondings.
(:

Well.
I did something very impressive.
I actually climbed a 'stadium' lamp which is about 4 storey high.
Interesting huh.
Well what are my fears?
Its for me to know.
For you to guess! (:

Run by Snow Patrol
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Desire

2007-06-28T12:19:00.000+08:00

Different people got different needs and wants.
There we got different type of people.
Mainly two types by distinct differences.
Materialistic and Spiritual people.
some people go for brands.
for tangible products.
no its not wrong.
actually its perfectly fine.
on other hand.
spiritual people are people who yearn for love, care and trust.
basicly friends and recognisation.
yup its not wrong too.
both are not wrong and are realistic in their own way.
different people are influenced differently and brought up in different ways.
yet.
whats the major differences actually.

let me link this to existance.
when you die.
does your existance remain.
by being materialistic or spiritual.
will you live in the memories and heart of the others.
and remembered for their lifetime.
or would you choose to live in a world of your own.
where when you die.
you will be forgotten soon after.
determine you route.
your life.
once again.
its your life.
its your choice.
period.

"The most beautiful thing in life can only be felt."
(:

ps:
i wont give up.
i wont surrender.
this is my resolution.
just try and stop me now.
(:

Read my mind by The Killers

On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees
A broken wrist and a big trapeze

Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

It’s funny how you just break down
Waiting on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soaking my spine

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, the world unseen
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you jump,
Tell me what you find..
When you read my mind

Slipping in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said I don't mind if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Put your back on me
Put your back on me
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds, cut out of the sun
Can you read my mind

Life Lesson:2

2007-06-27T12:13:00.000+08:00

hmm.
lets talk about ability VS desire.
simply means can and cant VS want and dont want.

people always got confused between these two terms.
some use they dont want when the situation is they do not have the ability to accomplish so.
dont blame them.
for we humans are imperfect in nature.
before concluding things.
determine your ability.
determine if you can or cant.
before you decide if you want it or not.
dont get confused.
for it might cause perception error to others.
or perhaps some other undesirable consuquences.
know the differences.
your ability.
and your desire.
things aint that simple.

For now.
i do not wish to back out.
even if i want to.
i doubt i have the ability to.
for whats done is done.
(:

decipher the meaning.
i just love mind games (:

Life is like a boat by Rie Fu(English Translated)
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

Somewhere far away, you're breathing in, and I want to become transparent
I was thinking of darkness but I was only blindfolded

I dedicate a prayer and wait for a new day
To your side of the brilliantly shining sea

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

People's hearts go fishing, they eventually want to sneak away
The moon in a new cycle accompanies the boat

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

The journey will continue even on a calm day
The moon in its new phase accompanies the boat

I dedicate a prayer and I wat for a new day
Until your side of the brillinantly shining sea

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

I row Destiny's boat, the waves come one after another and they attack us but
This too is a beautiful journey, it is all a beautiful journey

Burden

2007-06-23T02:41:00.000+08:00

burden.
something that drags you down.
that pulls you down.
that hold you back.
that obstruct your dreams.
but this is reality.
there is no soul who does not have burden.
your family.
your bonds.
your relationships.
your work.
your responsibilities.
all that pressures you.
to tackle.
or avoid.
to run away.
or find other way.
there are many challenges and obstacles in life.
no doubt.
every fall.
is a lesson.
theres a purpose and reason why things happen or exists.
determine it.
remember it.
recognise it.
giving up.
lose yourself.
face it.
learn from it.
its your choice.
its your life.

flight.
no strings attached.
burden.
bonds.
ties.
emotions.
i will not surrender.
i will perservere.
breaking the strings.
oblivion.
independence.

i've seen too much.
known too much.
be it not allowed or not supposed to.
somehow i know it all.
being intelligent isn't great.
my conclusion.
perhaps the stupid'est' person is the happiest person.
for he know no burden nor pain.
i know too much.
too much.
the conclusion.
but its alright.
its still on the right track.
flowing the way i planed it to be.

let me make myself clear.
everything you people try to decipher about are just your assumptions.
not conclusions.
remember.
only i and me who knows it better then none.

When the time is right.
The truth will come to light.
being patience is the key.

lets play some mind games.
i love them.
:)

Nature

2007-06-21T22:50:00.000+08:00

just came back from Tioman today.
yup. pretty place. very.
the serenity.
the peace.
the nature.
the motherland.
i'm in love.
with nature.
so mesmerizing.
the corals.
the fishes.
the clams.
the oysters bigger then my head.
the shellfish longer then my arm.
they are so beautiful.
so special and unique.
i could spend hours just obersving them.
i detest humans.
their care for them.
they dont care.
they cant be bothered.
they take it for granted.
they ruin them.
they caused the extinction.
the nature gave us everything.
yet we returned none.
we're just so rotten.
so selfish.
this trip.
this journey.
the conclusion.
the world is rotten.
and i wished.
disaster would color every soul.
disease would stain every body.
i curse every soul alive.
even myself.
drop your mortal desire.
free yourself.
let go.
attachments.
take flight.
be embraced.
realize the truth.
learn them.
know them.
and die.

PS:
People
Stop the act.
Stop the lies.
Stop the hiding.
When i know everything.
Never underestimate nor belittle a complicated person.
I know of it.
But its alright.
Its flowing on my track.
(=

Life Lesson:1

2007-06-09T23:56:00.000+08:00

To learn to live first you have to learn to die.
Adapted from the book 'tuesday with Morrie:an old man, a young man and life's greatest leson'
Found this sentence meaningful thus here i am blogging about it.
Dont be mistaken.
I'm not talking about physical death by mentioning die.
What it mean is prepared to die.
Are you ready to die.
What are the things holding you behind.
Are you doing all what you need to do.
Are you being the person you want to be.
Are you able to answer all these questions.
What are your answers.

Learn to die.
Is to prepare yourself for death.
To finish up your unfinised job.
Your goal.
Your responsibilities.
Your families.
Your work.
By having a clearer vision of your goal.
Then you will be prepared.
Til then you will be able to pay attention to the smallest thing affecting your life.
Its because.
No one believes they'll die so soon.
Leading to a life that they will let chances slip by them.
Unable to pay attention to their own life.
They're all blinded by the assumption that they are not dying at the very moment.
But the fact is.
No one actually know when they die.
No one dared to face this fact.
They would bet on their life is gonna last longer then that.
That of their assumption and perception.
So learn this well.
Remember this by heart.
Human are not invincible.
Its only a thin line between life and death.
Do what you can in this life.
For you do not know when your life will end.
And i bet no one wish to regret their life ended suddenly.
Its the smallest thing that make life beautiful.
Know this by heart.
I hope you people would be able to comprehand the saying.
To learn to live, first you have to learn to die.
But one warning.
When one learn to live.
He will not be as ambitious.
For when one is prepared for death.
One would not look far.
Its your choice.
Its your life.
Period.

Emotions

2007-06-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

last update : 11/06

Something no one can control.
Something every soul possess.
Something powerful.
Something that could consume of a person.
Or set one free.
Or make someone matured.
To shape and mould someone.
Everyone has it.
But everyone has different way of handling.

"The way you contain and express your emotions make alot difference in and to your life." by Lucille.

How do you contain and express your emotions.
Love.
Hate.
Anger.
Sadness.
Depression.
By right theres no right or wrong in how you contain or express.
But by left it will have an impact on your life.
One of the deciding factor in your life.
Think about it.
Ponder over it.

Personally.
Since young.
I've always been hiding my emotions.
What i felt.
How i felt.
My thoughts.
My feelings.
Til now.
I chose to conceal my emotions.
I hide and keep them.
For letting it out would be such a trouble.
For no one would understand even if i tell.
My this post would be the last leak of my emotions.
With my life on the line.
Into the oblivion.
Once again.
Boy.
Princess.
The forsaken.
The forgotten.
The forbidden.
The taboo.
The words that would mentioned and brought up anymore.
The non-existance.
They died.
They rot.

Let the songs define my emotion,mood,feelings
Me.

"Dreams all forgotten
Memories all turn rotten."
taken from Ransom Letter by Pug Jelly.

"Hey thanks for that summer.
Its cold where you're going i hope that your heart is always warm.
I gave you the best that i have."
taken from So Long Sweet Summer by Dashboard Confessionals

"I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found
It won't be the same"
taken from Slipped away by Avril Lavigne

"I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside
All I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold
I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you
I don't think you'd understand
'Cause no one understands"
taken from Take Me Away by Avril Lavigne.

"I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know"
taken from It End Tonight by The All-American Rejects

"Walks a-lone, have often lead to thinking
My love for you is sinking to what seems an all time low
or high, the limits' never ending,
And don't you know I'm sending
There's no venture I won't go
For you"
taken from Happy Endings by The All-American Rejects

"I should warn you
Things you're feeling
Aren't normal now
Think you need me
It's not easy
To let you go somehow"
taken from Too Far Gone by The All-American Rejects

"Leave me be
Now I'm free
Love reflecting everything
You want space
I need you to help me see this through
There she goes
There she goes"
taken from Your Star by The All-American Rejects

" can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do"
taken from What Hurts the most by Rascal Flatts.

"now I could make this obvious and you,
you could deny me
all in one breath
you could shrug me off your shoulders
Just Forget me. Its that simple."
taken from Your Disaster by Taking Back Sunday.

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone"
taken from Scars by Papa Roach.

"There's nothing I can say.
To change that part.
To change that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak."
taken from Famous Last Words by MCR.

"You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya"
taken from Disenchanted by MCR.

"Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday"
taken from Way back into love.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"
taken from How To Save A Life by The Fray.

"It’s not easy to be me"
taken from Superman by Five For Fighting.

"I'm sorry
If I slagged you down, I meant no harm
When I heard the stories
Said things I didn't mean "
taken from Meet you there by Busted.

"all the time that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
letting go is my life
I'll be on my way"
taken from Kind of Perfect by Armor For Sleep

"The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight"
taken from Anthem Of Our Dying Day by Story of the Year

"No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me"
taken from Welcome to my life by Simple Plan.

"As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done"
taken from Untitled by Simple Plan.

"And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you."
taken from You're Beautiful by James Blunt.

"I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear"
taken from The Reason by Hoobastank.

"'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today"
taken from November Rain by Guns N Roses.

"Take me as you are
Push me off the road
I'm freezing in the sun
I'm burning in the rain
I never would have known
oblivion is falling down"
taken from The Day You Said Goodnight by Hale.

"I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I died"
taken from Day that i die by Good Chalotte.

"As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now
You wanted the best
It wasn't me
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now"
taken from The Last Song by The All-American Rejects.

Cuts on my arms.
The physical pain.
Remind me of my existance.
Interestingly.
I realise something.
Since young.
I've already taken an interest in blood and death.
Only that its has taken its flight now.
I've made up my mind.
I've got a plan.
No ones gonna ruin it.
The overpowering curiosity.
Consuming.
Taking control.
Devoured.
I think i know what i truly want now.
I think i know whats my life about now.
I think i know whats my purpose now.
For this would be the last plan being carried out.
My life is my stage.
Everyone would be involved.
I'll be the key person.
And everyone will know whats the project in the end.
For this is, Project:"Farewell".
The show starts now.

My fatal decision.
My fatal rescue.
My fatal bet.
My fatal truth.
My fatal break through.
My fatal desire.
My fatal patience.
My fatal curiosity.
My fatal secret.
My fatal belief.
My fatal existance.
My fatal lesson.
My fatal realization.
My fatal complication.
My fatal contradictions.
My fatal determination.
My fatal obsession.
My fatal emotions.
My fatal 2007.
My perfect ending.
My Fatal Project:Farewell.

Consequences

2007-06-04T02:14:00.000+08:00

Lets begin with my favourite.
Everything don't occur and appear for no reason.
They exist with a purpose.
So i would like to say that every input will definately have an output.
Every action you take.
Every decision you make.
Will have an impact.
Be it yourself.
Or others.
Be it directly.
Or indirectly.
Somehow one way or another.
It will have an consequences.
Be it good or bad.
There are situations where one make an action without considering the consequences in a moment of rash or sub concious state.
Reckless.
Foolish.
I would claim thats a one sided assumption.
For we don't know if they even have a choice.
People often forget something.
That they themselves are not perfect.
People make mistakes.
Though the consequences are harsh.
But its your choice.
To put yourself in their shoe that is.
So remember this.
Every input has an output.
People are not perfect.

Alright.
Was talking or rather debating with YQ just now.
Talking about lots of stuff.
So we sort of came across this regarding my post: Belief.
Expectedly.
We both have different stand and views.
So he was saying about consequences.
I did though about it.
From the worse to worse.
i seriously did.
But i cannot be bothered.
People have a choice is what i believe.
To be affected by what i say that is.
To read my blog that is.
To debate with me that is.
They do have a choice.
So do i.
I choose to voice out.
Regardless of the consequences.
I cannot be bothered.
Then we were saying worth.
My sayings.
Everybody a somebody.
Nobody's a nobody.
Everyone is worth something and no one is worthless that means.
He was asking about my worth.
So i was saying.
Yes i do worth something but i cannot be bothered with that worth of mine.
So he said.
Since i cannot be bothered about anything.
Why am i living.
Shouldn't i just die.
Here i'm thinking.
Maybe i should.
Just die that is.
Isn't life about dying.
No one lives forever.
I've had enough of life also.
I've got my experiences.
Pointless.
Will take into consideration.

Came across this song.
Slipped away by Avril Lavigne.
So nostalgic.
It reminds me of everything.
I miss her.
Somehow i still do.
The concealed emotions.
I asked myself why, why and why.
I cant find the answer.
Bombarded with doubts and questions.
I myself have no idea whats inside my head.
All that remains.
All that stayed.
Memories.
Histories.
Somehow it just reminds me of the moments.
The sadness.
The pain.
I kept away.
I held back.
I hide inside.
I bade farewell.
To her.
To him.
To us.
To myself.

Song for post.
Slipped away by Avril Lavigne.
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you

Priority

2007-06-01T21:14:00.000+08:00

This is what i believe.
The most important key to success is the abiliy to prioritize.
Even if you got the ultimate determination and motivation.
You will or might not be successful if you are not able to prioritize your goals.
Yourself.
Your family.
Your friends.
Your career.
Your spouse.
Your sworn ties.
Which will you pick.
What will you be.
Who will you choose.
What do you look for in life i ask then.
Fun.
Enjoyment.
Money.
Family.
Fame.
Job status.
Your choice.
People are selfish.
Humans are rotten.
You would probably argue.
Not every.
I agree not every.
Its about what your priority and how far would you go for it and how would you go about for it.
People do anything to earn fame, wealth and recognition.
It just makes them happy.
While others, they invest their time and money to help others.
As they feel good helping others.
What i'm trying to say here it.
Different people perceive happiness and success differently.
but though their goals are different, their priority might be the same.
or their goals are the same, while priorities are different.
One could go for wealth for their family.
One could go for wealth for themselves.
One goal two priority.
One could go for fame for themselves.
One could go for wealth for themselves.
Two goal one priority.
Interesting huh.
Thats us.
Humans.
Being both ugly and beautiful.
Rotten and honest.
We contradicts ourselves.
Period.

Been out the past 2 days.
The day before when drinking.
Well well.
Drown in grief.
Totally drunk.
Knock out session.
So bad that i got like 8 burnt scars on my both arm.
Most i did it myself and one has a diameter of a finger print.
Scary.
Gonna get infection soon.
Yesterday went to hotel and overnight with ivor bert kaili yq and charmaine.
Its ivor bd today lol.
Yea yea.
Went swimming in the middle of the night and did lots of stupid stunts lol.

PS:
The voices running through my head.
The screams tearing my concentration.
So random.
So consuming.
Their calling out.
I can hear them.
But i dont understand their existance.
I'm unable to comprehand.
I don't know what i'm doing.
I don't care where i'm heading.
Whats life actually.
I wonder.

Anthem of our dying days.
The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly...
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying.

Respect

2007-05-28T00:51:00.000+08:00

Respect.
Taken from www.dictionary.com.
To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.
To avoid violation of or interference with: respect the speed limit.
To relate or refer to; concern.

Its something earned.
Not given.
Doesn't mean you are in high position.
Or old in age.
People will give you the respect you desire.
Its your capabilities.
If you're a higher management but you cant do things right.
Do you deserve the respect of being the higher management.
No you dont.
We do give the minimal respect to someone older, high positioned.
But ultimately.
Its still up to them to convince us with their capabilities.
It can also led to some undesired situation.
Some kids nowadays think that being strong and daring would be respected.
Yes in their circle of friends.
Bullying are such childish actions.
Fighting.
What cause do they right for.
Causing physical damage are for the losers.
If you people think that winning in fights and gaining 'territory' are respectful.
Think again.
Stop chasing rainbows and get a life.
So who deserve your respect and who should you respect.
Define them yourselves.

Basicly.
I do give elderly and higher management the minimal respect.
Not to use vulgar against them.
But not to the extend to give in.
Especially when i'm not at fault.
I would make my stand.
Perhaps in a wrong way.
Perhaps its the best way.
No idea.

Song for post.
Welcome to my life by Simple Plan.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Personal

2007-05-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

Extended and re-updated on 27/05.
Apologise.
Ytd was getting late to updated a lil.
I'll finish up what i've got to say today.
So yup.

Alright.
Something personal again.
Received couples of comments today regarding i've become more vulgar.
Rather then changed to be more vulgar.
I would say reckless.
I couldn't be bothered about what others think of me now.
For i cant see whats the purpose of having a good impression.
Been thinking about it.
I seriously think.
My mindset have swayed from before.
I seriously.
Cannot be bothered about anything now.
From insulting lecturers to disrespecting course manager.
I seriously think that i am reckless.
I did think about the consequences.
But it doesn't seem to bother me a single bit.
Its like, 'so what?' situation.
I don't care.
So what if i got kicked out of school.
So what if everyone hates me.
So what if i got myself in deep shit.
So what?
I don't know what gotten into me.
Or what cause this thinking.
But i know its stuck into my head now.
Consequences.
I couldn't care.
Results.
I don't bother.
I've changed.
I know it now.
I did.
Who am i now i wonder to myself.
What am i now i am figuring out.
I don't know.
Hay wired.
Twisted up i guess.
He guessed he's dead.
I wonder too.
He wonder too.

Well well.
So i guess cheng's dead.
Kind of in some sense.
perhaps.
man i seriously wonder.
Whats gonna be of me now.
I cant determine whats wrong.
But for one thing i'm sure.
I've changed.
Better or worse.
No idea.
Cant be bothered too.

Well well.
Next week will be my last week at Genki.
Had a tiff with the fucking gay manager.
A loser who cant outtalk me.
What a loser.
Pitiful.
Von said something about respecting.
Well i did.
If i didn't respect him.
I would've used vulgar and shoot him directly.
In stead of insulting him indirectly.
This would be the level i give to someone who is elder then me.
The minimal respect.
Respect is not given.
Its earned.
Being old doesn't mean people have to respect you.
Loser.
And since i've decided to 'toy' him.
Now i will.
Once and for all.
Next thurs he'll be doing closing.
Of which i'm working.
And i'm not going to turn up.
I'll screw him up utterly.
I'll make him suffer.
I apologise if i made any other servers unhappy.
For i've decided to fuck richies upside down.
I'm gonna make him regret.
And thinking about it.
Me and my brother will be quitting next week.
So i'm gonna see how he plan his schedule.
Wasting a food runner.
Left with YQ.
And Benny who at weekend still cmi.
So when theres a weekend where both yq and ben off.
Genki's dead.
For sure i vouch for it.
Loser.
A loser who lost himself at the peak of anger he is.
I'll make him learn his lesson the tough way.
Trust me.
I'm capable of doing so.
And here i'm thinking.
Since thurs i'm not going to turn up for work.
Should i go there and be a customer.
So screw him up.
Well well well.
I wonder.
I'll come to a decision soon.
But i need company ya.
So let the project 'screw richie' start.
His suffering would be my pleasure.
His felony.
My melody.
So be it.

Song for post.
Only One by Yellowcard.
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

Perception:Error

2007-05-25T00:37:00.000+08:00

We all have different views.
Different thinking.
And of cause different perception.
Errors.
A good example of perception error would be stereotyping.
People stereotype others.
Race. Culture. Personality.
I dont deny i stereotype people.
Everyone does.
And everyone label someone elses.
But thinking about it.
Who actually gave you the right to insult someone else.
What right do you have in the first place.
Yet ignoring your rights.
We insult and label others.
Over and over again.
Points that are often overlooked.
Because of your experience with that particular group of people.
You tend to stereotype them.
Your past.
Your scars.
You memories.
Your experiences.
All contribute and mould your perception into what it is today.
Theres no wrong theres no right.
For some will see you as right.
Some will see you as wrong.
Final say is still you.
So think about it.
Do you actually have the right to insult other human beings.
Period.

Alright.
Back to my whining.
As i predicted.
Trouble trouble trouble.
Today me and xf went to find my care person and another guy.
well what else could it be.
About the lecture incident and of cause.
My hair.
yea yea yea.
We were approached one by one.
I went in first and they couldn't convince me.
Well. stubborn well.
Then xf went in.
They actually told xf that they couldn't talk sense into me.
Its like a left ear in, head process, useless stuff, right ear out.
Well well well.
Guess i'm to stubborn huh.
Fuck it then.
Who cares anyway.
For i dont.
Who does.
No one knows and understand my perception anyway.
So fuck it.
Consequences.?
Well well well.
Fuck it too.
Wrath?
Lets see and i'll face it.

And yea.
Kept my word.
Its been like so many months since i had my 'smoke-free' day.
Today it is!
I succeeded yup.
Well well well.
Any treats?
(=

Song for post.
Scars by Papa Roach

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Anger Management

2007-05-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

Alright.
How do you contain your anger and how do you handle them.
How do others.
Violence?
Keep inside?
Many many ways.
Which is the best.
No idea.
My word would be different situation different medicine yup.
And different people got different liking as how to handle their own matter isn't it.
There are people who fight to vent their anger.
Fighting and hurting others would make them feel better.
Thats my assumption yup.
But theres definately people out there who enjoy huring and damaging others.
Who enjoy killing and torturing.
Sadistics.
There are many who keep their anger inside of them.
I'm one of them.
And i'll pretend nothing happened.
Therefore i'm a good actor. (=
Giving no clue.
For my side.
I keep it for i do not wish to affect others.
I believe some people kept it inside have this reason too.
The want to keep everything to yourself and letting none out.
The mindset of being a burden to others is meaningless.
I understand those feeling.
We hide our emotions.
In the corner somewhere.
Only when alone then it will be taken out.
Its not wrong.
But is it right.
Others might worry.
Then you'll argue that if they know what i'm thinking.
They'll worry more.
Why bother.
So what else can i say.
Its all about understanding between people.
Of their stand and their thoughts.
Think about it.
Some scream and let it out.
Scary.

This is the end of this post.
Words after this are my whinings.
For i've been really down on luck and crap everything isn't going my way.
Vulgars would be used and uninterested party feel free to press the 'X' at the top right corner of this window here.

Here i go!
Fuck it.
Seriously fuck it.
Ytd problems in school with lecturers and tutors.
Heat up 'debating' i would call it.
But actually i totally made a fool and critisized that fucking lecturer.
What a fucking bitch.
And today a teacher called me.
While i'm working so ya.
He called my home so thats why i know.
But weird thing is he didn't say anything to my mom.
Hmmm.
But either way i'm still prepared for a war soon.
Time to put my debating skills to play.
yea yea yea.
Fuck it.
Seriously every sem i would have this kind of fucking problem with lecturers.
Fuck it.
And theres also my hair issue running around my course manager now.
Sooner or later it will get me.
So fuck it too.
So many fucking problems.
Well well well.
Gotta be armed for combat now.
Let my tongue be my weapon and my brain be my gears.
And here today.
Fucking piece of shit.
I broke a fucking PDA at work.
And i will get fucked upside down by my fucking gay manager and most probably have to freaking pay for it.
And there goes my bike.
Damn it.
fuck it.
Here i am quitting smoking to save money for my bike and here comes this money issue which will delay the purchase of my bike.
NOO~~~
My scoooooooooooooter.
Damn.
No fucking shit is ever going in my way.
Ever.
Fucking had enough.
Fucking piece of shitty life.
Fuck it.
And another fuck it is i was doing so well today whole day not smoking.
Rejecting offers and temptations.
Even at work place.
Til i fucking broke the PDA.
Damn it.
there goes my fucking smoke free day.
Damn.
Tomorrow it will be a smoke free day.
I swear with my life on the bet.
Gotta save money for my scooter yup.
Arghhh.
Lime green or checkered for it.
Any suggestions?
Alright enough of my whining.
I apologise.

Song for post.
God must hate me by Simple Plan.

Last night
I just wanted to have fun,
to go out with my friends

I took my dad's car
I never thought he would find out
But I crashed in a wall
Man I'm dead

I guess it's no use,
I'm screwing up every little thing
I ever tried to do
I'm born to lose
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

God must hate me
He CURSED me for eternity
God must hate me
Maybe you should pray for me
I'm breaking down
And you can't save me
I'm stuck in hell
and I wanna go home,
I wanna go home

Last night I had to study for this test
I forgot and man I'm dead
and now my brain is bursting out of, my head
I can't think I can't breath
Once again

I guess it's no use
I'm screwing up
Every little thing I ever tried to do
I'm born to lose
yeah yeah yeah yeah

God must hate me
He CURSED me for eternity
God must hate me
Maybe you should pray for me
I'm breaking down
And you can't save me
I'm stuck in hell
And I wanna go home

So what in the world
Am I supposed to do?
I never did anything to you
So can't you find something else to do?

God must hate me
He CURSED me for eternity
God must hate me
Maybe you should pray for me
I'm breaking down
And you can't save me
I'm stuck in hell and

I wanna go home
(God must hate me) x6
You can't save me
God must hate me now

Trouble

2007-05-23T01:15:00.000+08:00

We're not perfect.
We all know that.
And yet people tend to forget about that.
Misunderstanding of stands.
Conflicts.
Resentment.
Trouble.
Mess.
We make mistakes.
We have different thinkings.
Factors causing conflicts and trouble.
Your mistakes, others mistakes.
Who to blame.
Who will take the blame.
When one push the blame to other and other pushes back.
No one admit.
Conflict occurs.
We get to all sorts of trouble with all sorts of people.
I do get into ALOT of trouble and they never stops.
Shall talk about that later.
Why not.
Try to understand each other point and stand.
Don't ignore them.
For it will only make things worse.
Compromise.
Know this well.
In life.
You can never win all the way.
You'll definately lose on the way.
Learn this by heart.
When both party are trying to make their stand and not trying to understand each other's point of view.
Things won't solve.
This is what i know.
You'll know this if you understand my point that no one in this world is the same.
They might be similar in a way or other.
But definately not the same.
Each and everyone of us are unique and special in our own ways.
Understanding would be the first key.
Compromising would be the second.
Well.
Its tough we all know.
For who would not want things to go in their way.
But.
The reality is harsh and ugly.
We got to know it.

Okay for myself today.
Trouble trouble and more trouble.
Crap.
I screwed up with a OB lecturer at the lecture hall.
And i'm gonna expect lots of trouble this time for i think i did a pretty good job critisizing her.
Well.
She just pissed me off.
What to do.
Gonna be prepared for the upcoming battles with the course manager also.
And my hair issue is taking its flight now.
Thus i will too be expecting alot more trouble now.
Battles, RIGHT ON!
well well well.
What to do.
I've just got this 'voicing out' character.
so be it.
I couldn't care much now too.

PS:
Went IKEA today.
The place.
The memories.
Hangs there.
Such beautiful scene.
The old times.
The good times.
How mezmerizing.

Song for post.
Hands down by Dashboard Confession.

Breathe in for luck,
Breathe in so deep,
This air is blessed,
You share with me.
This night is wild,
So calm and dull,
These hearts they race,
From self control.
Your legs are smooth,
As they graze mine,
We're doing fine,
We're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
That your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
So I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
To break or bury,
Or wear as jewelery,
Which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
So we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
Which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights,
The scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
And the gate was locked so I jumped it,
And I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,
That you meant it,
That you meant it,
And I knew,
That you meant it,
That you meant it.

Memories

2007-05-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

Memories.
Something that will hang by you.
In you head.
And once in a while.
Unknowingly you'll take out and view the pictures you caught before.
The accidents.
The incidents.
The past.
The memories.
Your loved ones.
Your ex lovers.
Your old friends.
Your old you.
Something that cannot come back.
You store them inside.
People yearn to turn back time.
But the moment you yearn to turn back time.
You regret your life.
Why would you want to regret?
In stead of wasting time thinking and pulled down by the past.
Why not make it an effort to move on and be happy.
People around would yearn for that for you as well i believe.
We all have memories.
But being pulled down by them and dragged down isn't good.
Look into the future.
Look at the bright side.
Learn to let go.
Time is constantly moving.
So should we.
But our memories still stay.
Its alright to look back, but never turn back.
Try to comprehand that yup.

All the good times.
All the bad times.
We've all been through.
I've been through my best times with my brothers my lovers.
I've been through the worst with them as well.
When i missed my Add maths paper, they were there for me.
I'm glad.
Now i dont regret missing it.
For now i've found myself in a bunch of die-hard brotherhood.
I'm glad of what i have.
I don't deny i do regrets sometimes.
I used to regret missing my add maths paper.
I used to regret doing some actions and making some decisions in life.
But we gotta learn.
To let go that is.
Something every gotta learn.
Once again.
Its alright to look back, but never turn back.

"The most beautiful of everything lies in the memories.
But relying too much on it will devour you."
By Lucïlle™

Relationship:BGR

2007-05-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

yeap.
Some stuff startled and inspired me to have this topic.
I posted on this topic before but this would be focusing on BGR yup.
Puppy love.
Spouse.
Infatuations.
Yups.
More or less people of my age should have a r/s before i suppose so.
Outcome?
More to heartaches.
Am i wrong to say that.
I've seen and been through.
Couple of minutes is enough to turn from smiles to frowns.
Scary huh.
So back to point.
What do you want in a r/s.
Love.
Sex.
Devotion.
Company.
Perhaps.
Some only want sex in r/s.
Those pitiful bastards.
I despise.
Taking advantage of other peoples' feeling.
Toying them.
Ugly humans.

Love.
Whats love.
I don't know it.
And i'm still figuring that out.
Perhaps you'll help me.
Hah.
So think about it.
What do you look for in a r/s.
Go for it.
If you think its right.

Some say forever.
Some say never.
I love you forever.
I will never let you go.
To me personally.
I find those sentence very childish and unrealistic.
For i'm a very logical and realistic person.
I dont believe in never, forever and impossible.
I use lifetime.
'Til death do us apart'
This is what people should use.
But use wisely.
Don't use it to cheat people.
To lie.
For its a very powerful phrase.
Very meaningful indeed.
So kids, stop catching rainbow and get a life alright.
Its time to grow up and learn.

I've seen.
How people broke up.
How people patch up.
I've seen.
How torn people are.
How hurt they are.
I've seen.
How lovely they are.
How devoted they are.
I admit.
I admire them.
I'm jealous.
Some say.
Love is a two bladed sword.
I guess its true somehow.
It can kill you.
And it can help you and protect you.

Some say.
Love is like an antique vase.
Its hard to find.
But breaks easily.
I object.
For i believe.
Yes its hard to find.
But i believe that once its found.
It will not break.
For if its found.
You'll protect it with whatever you have.
Am i right to say that.

So guys, do some soul searching.
Determine what do you yearn for in a r/s.
Figure that out.
To what extend are you willing to give up to give in.
It would be how much do you love that someone you have.
Think about it.
I hope it helps though.

PS:
Frankly speaking.
Personally.
I dont know what do i look for in a r/s.
Perhaps.
You dont need a reason to be in one.
Perhaps.
Its your yearn for one.
But i don't know.
I no longer know.
I thought i used to know everything.
But i realised i know nothing.
I thought i used to have everything.
But i realised i have nothing.
I don't deny.
I yearn for a r/s.
I don't deny.
But then again.
My experience tells me.
Others are better off without me.
I don't know whats wrong.
Somehow.
In r/s things won't go well for me.
In addition of i have no idea what to look for in a r/s.
I realise.
Perhaps i would be better off alone.
Perhaps.
I fear r/s.
I don't know.
But somehow its just something not for me.
After so much.

I think.
I'm a murderer.
I killed someone.
I killed myself.
Somehow.
I wonder.
Set me free.
From this ugly humanity.
For i doubt my existance.

Song for post.
I've posted this before.
But this is different.
Its dedicated to two person.
Though i hope they know who they are.
And you have my best wishes.
Though i've wished you before.
I hope for the best for you.
All the best.
Live well.
Be happy.
Stay happy. (=
And actually.
All the songs i post have a purpose.
They are songs which describe my feelings best.

Your own disaster by Taking back sunday.

Just think of this and me
As just a few of the many things
To lie around,
To clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
Cause there are some things
That I'd like to say to you

And I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
Cause I don't think that you know
What you've been missing

And I dare you to forget
The marks you left across my neck
From those nights when we were both found at our best
Now I could make this obvious and you,
You could deny me
All in one breath
You could shrug me off your shoulders

And I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
Cause I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
And I don't think that you know
Said I don't think that you know
Said I don't think that you know
What you've been missing

Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey lush, have fun
Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey lush, have fun
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
[forget me, it's that simple]
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
[forget me, it's that simple]
It's the weekend
(no I don't think that you know
What you've been missing)
[forget me it's that simple]
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
[forget me it's that simple]
It's the weekend
[forget me it's that simple]
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
Hey lush, have fun
[forget me it's that simple]
Hey lush, have fun
[forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
just forget me, it's that simple

Hatred

2007-05-20T01:24:00.000+08:00

Hatred.
Something every soul possesses.
Detest.
Hate.
Distrust.
All the different levels of hate.
Its the reason why people fight.
Why we have wars.
And yet.
Something we cant eradicate.
Its imprinted into us.
Everyone.
Its sad.
Its bad.
But theres always anger management.
How would you resolve your conflict.
Violence?
Reason out?
Peace?
Its been said.
Violence cant solve anything.
Yet its still commonly practiced.
Thats why i said human should not exist.
When things could be resolved peacefully.
They resort to such unforgiven solutions.
Aren't they pathetic.
Aren't we pathetic.
Sometimes i pity myself being a human.
A same being with those who kill and maim others.
Such slaughter.
Thus.
I've taken a liking.
To death.
Of humans.
Their death.
I love.
Its true.
There are kind souls out there.
But then.
They still possess hatred.
No one is perfect.
Yet no one understand this point.
I admit i don't as well.
I despise people.
People who make use of others to attain their wants and needs.
People who despise others of their natural flaws like being handicap.
People who thinking over highly of themselves.
People who gives up easily.
They shouldn't exist.
They shouldn't be catagorized under 'human beings'
And yet.
We cant do anything about it.
Coming back to point.
How would you resolve your conflicts.
Compromise?
Perhaps.
But how much are you willing to compromise.
Peace talks?
Its about the same as compromising.
Theres a limit to it.
Perhaps.
Its that limit that results in wars, fights and slaughtering.
How do i resolve.
Practically.
I've got good temper.
But i can get really nasty.
I wont damage a person physically.
I kill them mentally.
For i see no point attacking people as it will only get yourself in more trouble and eventually the wounds will recover.
Pointless.
Possessing ability to maim their confidence.
I make them despise themself.
I make them wonder they they exist.
I trample on their pride.
I ruin their faith.
And now someone is really getting on my nerves.
David.
If you're reading this.
Of which i doubt you will.
Watch your actions.
For stepping on my tail will cost you everything.
This is what i'm capable of.
I might have a good temper.
Maybe not.
But what i'm capable of.
I don't know the limits.
I'm pretty scary huh.
Stray then.
Keep your distance.
So whats your say now.
Resolving conflicts.
Taking control of your anger, hatred.
Ruin them. Ruin you.
Forgive and forget.
Easy said.
Well said.
But how many can attain.
Saying and doing is two different story.
Such bullshit.
I hate.

PS.
Come to think of it.
Somehow.
I've become something i've always hated in someway.
I wonder what is becoming of me.
Frankly speaking.
Even i myself have no idea of whats going on sometimes.
I wonder why am i thinking this way.
Why am i behaving this way.
I cant figure out.
But what i know it.
Everything i ever said.
Everything that i'm doing.
Theres a reason behind them.
A purpose.
To stir.
To calm.
To stray.
To remove.
Who am i now.
What am i now.
I wonder.

Song for post.
I have become something i've always hated by Saosin.
Holy eyes bring back one
Never if you only trust your separation
I believe and then
I'll try to give in
Is one fall already bad?
Seems far, but it's true

Whoever told you that
We will find a way to be this way
It's true, whoever told you that
Its fine to walk right outta control
It's true, whoever told you that
Thats fine I hope the best for you
It's true, whoever told you that
We try the best to be the best but look what you've done

We are respiratory
We take violence in stride
We are respiratory
We are never to fall

We are the only story, intriguing myth
We told it twice before and I
I believe and then
I'll try to give in
We owe the attention for
Seems far, but it's true

Whoever told you that
We will find a way to be this way
It's true, whoever told you that
Its fine to walk right outta control
It's true, whoever told you that
Thats fine I hope the best for you
It's true, whoever told you that
We try the best to be the best but look what you've done

We are respiratory
We take violence in stride
We are respiratory
We are never to fall

Motivation

2007-05-19T01:57:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking about it.
Why am i so introvert when it comes to life death stuff and extrovert when it comes to any other things.
So perhaps.
I don't have the motivation.
To live well and keep alive.
Motivation.
A force that will allow any humans to push themself.
Something that can only be felt.
and known.
For you to study.
For you to rest.
For you to stay happy.
And to live.
Your families.
Your friends.
Your responsibilities.
Their importance.
Your presence.
Why are you studying.
Why are you living.
Cause you want to attain something.
A goal.
A dream.
Or something you cant let go.
Something that is holding you back and keeps you on the run.
Different people got different views and perception.
Whats yours.
Whats mine.
I wonder.
Nothings holding me back.
Theres nothing i cant let go.
Thats what i've come to a realization.
Perhaps i'm too complicated.
So complicated that sometimes i wonder what i am.
Who i am.
Thus i will not expect anyone to comprehand this.
And i will not allow anyone to.
For the existance of holding me back will not appear.
Everyone got their life.
Yet its affected and affecting others.
How amazing.
Independence.
No human could live on their own.
But what i believe.
Impossible is just an excuse.
Excuse to run away.
Its true isn't it.
For nothing is perfect.
For there is an end to every beggining.
But the end is the begginging of another.
The beggining is also the end of the other.
How amazing things can be.

So i've come to a conclusion myself.
I'm this way because i lack of motivation.
Purpose.
And any other things to keep anyone going.
Perhaps its my can't be bothered attitude.
I wonder.
Bothering too much will be so troublesome at times.
Why bother.
Like i said.
Being a burden is not my cup of tea.
Avoidence is always a better way out for me.
Excuse you might say it.
But i'm moulded this way.
Such tuning.
I love.
Being frank.
Why would someone else be a burden of the other.
Whats the point.
To cause them have more things to worry for.
Whats the purpose.
I cant see.
I cant perceive.
This is my perception perhaps.
For i know.
What is tomorrow never come theory.
Perhaps thats what made me.
Like i said.
We never know when we'll die.
Accidents and stuff are unexpected.
Having so many things to worry for and having to many people worrying for you.
And you die the next moment.
Whats the point.
I cant perceive.
Perhaps someone would enlighten me.
I don't see the point trying so hard to live when you will die eventually.
I believed.
As long as you're not a burden or pillar to anyone.
Your death doesn't matter.
Plus.
Even if you die.
The world continues turning.
Nothing stops.
The clock ticks on.
People move on.
You move on.
Eventually.
Life.
How amazing.
Such contradictions.
How profound.
Period.

P.S:
Things are better this way.
Smoother sail for you.
What you claimed.
What i claimed.
I believed mine.
And i'm sure of it now.
Things are easier for you.

Song for post.
Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional.
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So, mesmerizing, so hypnotizing,
I am captivated, I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn
up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever

Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'll be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Like hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Obstacles

2007-05-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

No life is smooth sailing.
The storm.
The rain.
The unexpected disasters.
Stepping stones in life.
The obstacles who will get in your way.
Give up.
Look for other way.
Or overcome.
What will be your decisions.
Perhaps different situations different solutions?
Possible.
But lets talk generally.
What kind of person you think you are.
Do you face problems head on.
Or would you just run away.
When problems occur.
You would turn to something else.
If you happen to face the problem.
How do you do it.
do you just rush into things?
just desperately wanna get it over and done with?
its not wrong.
just tat perhaps the results wouldn't turn out the way you wanted.
Of cause.
who would not want that to happen right.
Is it hard.
To just think of all the possible solutions and apply the most applicable one.
I understand there are situations where you have time restrictions.
Yes at that point of time your wouldn't have much choice.
No one would blame you.
Those who will.
Are people who are not understanding and wishes to push the blame to someone else's.
how pitiful.
Dont give up.
Perservere.
Stay put.
Hold on.
After every rain comes a rainbow.
After every catastrophe comes a paradise.
You give some you take some.
Look on the bright side of life.

And ytd i was interviewing some of my friends regarding their purpose in life.
I found out something.
Its impossible to live a life without purpose.
I take back my words.
Those who are without 'purpose'.
Their purpose in life is to look for 'purpose in life'
I hope you get what i mean though.
A little complicated but i'm sure you can comprehand them.

PS:
I still don't get it what human beings exist on earth itself.
For earth has no need for them.
For we are nothing but disaster.
For we only cause destruction.

Dear Readers.
I've got a request.
Don't mind sending me an email answering couple of questions.
-Whats your purpose in life.
-Why do human exist in this world. Whats your say.
-What do you fear
-Anything you wish to say to me regarding anything, your thoughts and stuff.
Your information would be kept confidential.
You have my words.
My email.
lucille89_@hotmail.com
Thanks a million.

Song for post.
The Last Song. By All American Rejects.
This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song?
For you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal
And now I sing it
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Will you need me now
You'll find a way somehow
You wanted to
I want it too

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Perception

2007-05-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

Perception.
Is a process of which we define or interpret something or someone.
Each and everyone of us define things differently.
From each and every angle we see everything.
We get a different output.
The sides.
Life.
What do you see life as.
A journey.
A begginning.
An End.
Theres no right.
There no wrong.
You have your own right.
To live your life.
For you're solely responsible for the outcome.
And you're accounted for the input.
And of cause with interferences.
External factors to be considered.
To be affected or not.
Its still within your choice.
For me.
I don't.
For the barrier is not something anyone could possibly understand.
Not something any living soul can comprehand.
Thus no one will be able to determine the antidote and break it and affect.
And i will not allow it.
Life.
Death.
Its just a thin line.
Truth.
Lies.
Blurred line.
How would you define them.
How would you perceive it.
A murderer.
What do you see him as.
But what if he kill to save someone else importannt.
Would your perception change.
But the result is still the same.
He is still a murderer.
My point.
There are times.
Where right or wrong.
Are self defined.
Some think you're right.
Some think you're wrong.
But who has the final say.
You.

PS:
This uproar is getting on my nerves.
If this ain't going to stop.
Don't be surprise if i post about critisizing christianity.
Don't be surprise if i post something real nasty.
For don't doubt my ability.

If you're so smart.
Why don't you just get a life and stop commenting about what i'm doing with my life.
No one asked you to comment on my life.
Who gave you the right.
I don't sympathy myself.
I'm proud.
So stop getting on my nerves and stepping on my head.
Before i go nasty.

I apologise.
For i can no longer see the purpose of saying anything.
Knowing and being kept in dark makes no difference.
The hopes are lost.
Long ago.
Decisions are made.
Stands are decided.
He's dead.
He once said.
He's gone for good.
Perhaps this is what he meant.
Into the oblivion.
We have no idea what has become of him.
Neither do i.
But this is reality.
Facing the harsh reality is what it is.
Prepared for the hardest possible damage.
Is what he is learning.
Overcoming everything.
The final level.
Death.

Change: Me

2007-05-14T00:13:00.000+08:00

Environment change.
People adapt.
I adapt.
Time flies.
People grow.
I grow.
I age.
I die.
The cycle.
Peer.
Environment.
Not missing out the most important component.
Time.
The ingredients for change.

Perhaps.
I've change.
No idea.
But for what i know.
I dont.
I would argue.
This is my inner self.
Someone who has been sleeping for ages.
Comparing me.
Who have lose motivation to live.
Those are people stuck with things they cant let go.
But for me.
Nothing is holding me back.
Nothing.
And someone out there struggling to live.
How childish.
Why not compare yourself with the natives.
Eat tree barks and stuff.
Pitiful comments.
I sympathise.
Trying hard to escape death.
Such futile actions.
Effortless tries.
How pathetic.
Stupid you might call me.
I wouldn't care.
For i know it myself i am not.

I used to portray myself.
As someone.
Who is simple.
Ra-ra type.
But who dares claim.
To claim to know me.
Well and inside out.
Who dare.
I doubt there is any.
For i know i am far more complicated that your brain can ever comprehand.
All the thoughts running across my head.
All the things i perceive differently.
Who knows what i'm thinking.
Who knows what i know.
No one does.
When i'm out.
I'm normal.
When i'm alone.
I'm like another being.
Something which shed its skin and reborn.
Someone who is living by the harshest reality possible.
Someone who has attain a new level of realization of life and death.
Split personality perhaps.
No idea.
Scary huh.
Special perhaps.
So don't doubt my actions.
Regret is something i wouldn't know.
Don't bother teaching me.
For i will not learn.
Fear me.
Detest me.
Hate me.
Forsake me.
For i'm the fallen one myself.
But mark my words.
No matter what has become of me.
I will not be a burden to anyone.
Period.

Pupose

2007-05-13T09:34:00.000+08:00

Theres a purpose to everything.
Everything you do.
Everything i do.
Everything we do.
For fun.
For thrill.
For exitement.
For trust.
Theres a purpose for everything that happened.
Everything exist and occur for a reason, a purpose.
It keeps the world going.
Whats your purpose of living.
Whats their purpose in doing whatever thing.
Questions.
Why are we living.
Why do things turn out this way.
Why do we hate.
Why do we love.
Why do you even exist.
Why are you still living.
Why aren't you dead.
Why are other people living.
Some live for fun.
Some live for someone else.
Some live for love.
Some live for responsibilities.
Some live for hate.
For me.
I'm still here cause i'm unable to die.
For which i yearn for.
Thus i am here unable to give a damn to anything thing.
So don't try me.
Trust me.
Purpose.
There are people who do things purely for the sake of helping.
While some do for the sake of other sly purpose.
Example.
Whats the purpose of showing god helped some people to make big bucks.
Whats the purpose.
Its obvious thats to convince them to donate more.
As if god really exist.
People will donate willingly.
Without even showing to the members and stuff.
Sly.
I despise.
I hate.
pitiful, pathetic.
Everyone do something for a purpose.
Its surface or beneath.
You decide.

PS:
Nothing can stop me.
Even if i'm jailed.
My mindset wouldn't change.
My way of life wouldn't move.
Cause I'm numb.
For this is who i am.
Effortless Tries.
How wasteful.

Song for post.
The Innocent by Good Charlotte
The start of armageddon
It was just another day
We all saw the news, nothing to say
So many friends are missing
And family members gone
So we all pray that god help them be strong

And now we stand together
Remembering that day
The lives we live will never be the same

And we don't know why
The innocent die
Will this world ever find a way to change?
And we don't know why
But we know it's not right
Don't know why so many had to die
Don't know why so many had to die

Hate is turn to others
For their religion or their skin
But hate can't solve the problem it began
Everyone is angry
People are afraid
No one knows what decisions will be made

And we don't know why
The innocent die
Will this world ever find a way to change?
And we don't know why
But we know it's not right
Don't know why so many had to die
Don't know why so many had to die

And we don't know why (don't know why)
The innocent die (don't know why)
Will this world ever find a way to change?
And we don't know why (don't know why)
But we know it's not right (don't know why)
Will any of us ever be the same
Will any of this ever be the same

I don't know why
The innocent die
Will any of us ever be the same
Will any of this ever be the same

Happiness

2007-05-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

Happiness.
The self defined unseen.
Self-defined.
Definately.
Someone can be happy without money and with loyal friends.
Someone else can be happy being a fuck rich ass without friends.
They can be equally happy.
But geared with different equipment.
Its what you want vs what you need.
Detemine your path of life.
Determine your goals.
Determine your wants.
Determine your needs.
Determine your worth.
Determine your happiness.
Which way would you pick.
What life would you want.
Which path would you head.
Emotions.
How magical.

Ps:
I'm so obsessed with death now.
I wonder.
How i will die.
What comes after next.
I yearn for the outcome.
Consumed by curiosity.
I love.

Song for post.
The Last Song by The All-American Rejects.
This may be the last thing that I write for long
Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song?
For you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal
And now I sing it
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now

You wanted the best
It wasn't me
Will you give it back?
Now I'll take the lead
When there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
How you end up? Let me know

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Will you need me now
You'll find a way somehow
You wanted to
I want it too

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song

Belief

2007-05-10T00:53:00.000+08:00

Be warned.
This post might trigger your anger.
But there ain't anything you can do.
For this is my blog.
Leave if you want to.
This post would be more of my own perception.
No offence.

Belief.
There are many beliefs in this world.
Christianity, Buddism and others.
God.
I don't believe its existance.
It. No he. No she or 'You' But IT.
For its non existance.
God is just something.
Something for the light hearted.
Something to motivate yourself.
For those who are not confident in their capabilities.
For those weak hearted.
Weaklings.
I'll give you an example.
When the person does badly in his exam.
He pray to 'god'.
For he knows that 'god' will assist him.
He will motivate himself.
He will work hard.
He will study.
Thus he will do better.
Then this would be the deception of the perception.
For those light and weak hearted.
Illusions. Deception.
How ugly.
Another thing to take note of.
If people were to really to believe in god.
Would people be forced to ask people to join them.
Example.
City Harvest Church 'people' are actually given a quota to 'recruit' new members.
If you're really good.
Is there a need for that.
Pathetic.
Pitiful.
I despise.
Allowing something which doesn't exist to control your life.
Be ashamed.
The corrupted ones.
Ugly humans.
Loathsome belief.
Foul beings.
The fallen ones.
Blinded souls.

What i believe.
I believe in myself.
I believe in my capabilities.
I believe in luck. Not miracles.
I believe in coincidence. Not fate.
For in the end.
You are accounted for your life.
You take charge of your decisions.
Not them.
Not it.
Its you.

Song for this post.
Zombie by The Cranberries.
Another head hangs lowly,
Child is slowly taken.
And the violence caused such silence,
Who are we mistaken?

But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou...

Another mother's breakin',
Heart is taking over.
When the violence causes silence,
We must be mistaken.

It's the same old theme since nineteen-sixteen.
In your head, in your head they're still fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are dying...

In your head, in your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie,
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,
In your head,
Zombie, zombie, zombie?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, oh,
Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey, oh, ya, ya-a...

Fairness

2007-05-09T00:22:00.000+08:00

Fairness
Fairness definition taken from www.dictionary.com
- free from bias, dishonesty, or injustice: a fair decision; a fair judge

Frankly speaking.
Whats fair in this world.
No matter what decisions you make.
No matter what route you take.
It might be fair for one.
Will it be fair for all.
In your stand.
You might think its fair.
But have you ever put yourself in others shoe.
How would others felt.
How would others think.
How would you hurt the others.
How would you benefit.
Sacrifice.
Not fairness.
Self satisfaction.
Greed.
Ugly Human nature.
Theres no complete fairness in this world.
I don’t believe in you reap what you sow.
If it exist.
Good people won’t die early.
Bad people won’t go Scott-free.
So whats it gonna be.
Like I said.
You take some.
You definitely gotta give some.
A price to pay for another.
It’s the cycle no one could escape.

If there is fairness in this world.
People would be born equally.
People would be treated equally.
There wouldn’t be discrimination.
People will not hurt others.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Mentally.
Wars won’t exist.
Quarrel won’t occurs.
Fights will cease.
Hatred will not be inside the dictionary.
So one day.
Before you say you’re fair.
Think about it.
Before saying anything.
For words are like water.
You can’t possibly take them back once done.
Period.

Song for this post.
Your Own Disaster by Taking Back Sunday
Just think of this and me
As just a few of the many things
To lie around,
To clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
Cause there are some things
That I'd like to say to you

And I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
Cause I don't think that you know
What you've been missing

And I dare you to forget
The marks you left across my neck
From those nights when we were both found at our best
Now I could make this obvious and you,
You could deny me
All in one breath
You could shrug me off your shoulders

And I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
Cause I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
And I don't think that you know
Said I don't think that you know
Said I don't think that you know
What you've been missing

Hey lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey lush, have fun
hey lush, have fun
it's the weekend
hey lush, have fun
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
it's the weekend
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
it's the weekend
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
[forget me, it's that simple]
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
[forget me, it's that simple]
it's the weekend
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
[forget me it's that simple]
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
[forget me it's that simple]
it's the weekend
[forget me it's that simple]
(no I don't think that you know
what you've been missing)
hey lush, have fun
[forget me it's that simple]
hey lush, have fun
[forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
[just forget me it's that simple]
just forget me, it's that simple

Ps:
I miss.
The Subby.
The Cookies.
The Hamsters.
The Puppies.
The Long Walk.
My Indecent Obsession.
Death.
Uncomprehendable Living Worth.
I don’t understand.

Death

2007-05-05T00:00:00.001+08:00

First things first.
A very sincere apology for not blogging recently.
Been really busy with ELF, School and Genki.
Averaging out only about 4 hours sleep per day.
So bear with me alright.
My bad.

Anyway topic I’m gonna talk about would be death.
Something inevitable.
Something we cant reject nor resist.
Something we’ll definitely end up.
And go through.
Since you’ll definitely going to face the music.
Why fear it.
Face it.

Who knows when you’ll die.
Perhaps I’ll die tomorrow.
Or perhaps next year.
I wouldn’t know.
So do you.
Who knows when will you die.
Some does though.
Those who contracted terminal diseases.
Talk about that later.
For now lets keep to those who don’t know when they’ll go.
When, where, how will we die.
No idea.
Why bother anyway.
Since you have no idea when would you die.
I bet no one would want to die with regrets right.
You would like to do something you always wanted to.
To confess.
To be loved.
To love.
To be happy.
Theres hell lot of stuff in your ‘life to-do’ list isn’t it.
Why are you hesitating.
Whats keeping you back.
Fear?
The fear of rejection?
The fear of failing?
Its all about risking.
I said before.
Life is about risking isn’t it.
You win some.
You lose some.
It’s the way of life.
Be it you like it or not.
That’s how things gotta be for everyone.
So whats the conclusion I ask.
You decide.

Coming up next.
For those who know when they’ll die.
Terminal disease.
The common cause.
Its scary to know when you will die.
For those who don’t.
Just imagine.
Try.
Its hard.
But its harder for them.
Living yet knowing your life is ending.
I cant imagine it myself.
But for what I know.
I would live my life to the fullest ever.
I would do everything I wanted to.
Whats your case.
Whats your decision.
Would you waste your life away.
Probing about your upcoming death.
Or would you live it to the fullest.
Its your life.
Its your choice.
I have no say.
Period.

A song for you people.
Meaningful.
Kind of Perfect by Armor For Sleep.
Can I just be something
somewhere in your room
that you won't notice
maybe I'll be paper
or books thrown on your floor
move me when you want to
I'll live where you put me
in your vcr
if I become a cassete
or on top of your computer
if that's where I would fit
then so be it
but things can't be perfect
all the time that I know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
I will not say one word
I'll just hang around
I won't annoy you at all
when you move out I'll stay
until I'm thrown away
but then it won't matter
but things can't be perfect
all the time that I know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
Because things cant be perfect
all the time, that I know
Sometimes we just have to let some things go
I promise to start now (to stop now)
I promise to start now (to stop now)
but things cant be perfect
All the time that I know
Sometimes we just have to let some things go
things cant be perfect
all the time that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
letting go is my life
I'll be on my way

My life

2007-04-25T02:06:00.000+08:00

This post would be something personal yup.
Actually I’ve been thinking deeply myself.
Of what I wrote.
I asked myself.
Whats my purpose of living.
Then I realize.
How cruel humans are.
Cruel til the point they shouldn’t exist.
I couldn’t figure out whats my life for.
Why am I living.
Here typing.
Then I finally came to a conclusion.
I am here and alive.
Is because I’m unable to die.
I’ve come to a conclusion.
Life is a journey.
A journey to death.
I believe death.
Is the end and yet the beginning.
This is what I know now.
The reason I’m alive.
Something don’t exist and occur for no reason.
Human exist to ruin our motherland.
We hate we kill we ruin.
We all should just die.
So do i.
I wouldn’t care much about my life now.
Even if I would just die.
It won’t be surprising.
From young.
I’ve always thought about death.
How people die.
Why people die.
I’ve thought many reasons and ways.
Sometimes.
I wished I would just got a cancer.
Or got into a accident.
Or just happened to die.
I realize this now.
Mankind.
Human.
Me.
Should be eradicated.
Motherland shouldn’t be tolerating us.
We made others suffer.
We caused death.
We create sorrows.
I do.
I am sorrow.
I am death.

So conclusion.
I thought to myself again.
I don’t wish to die leaving many unsaid words in my head.
Cause we don’t know when we’ll die.
Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe next year.
Eventually you will.
I won’t depend on anyone.
I won’t be a burden to anyone.
I wanna tell my friends.
I love you guys.
Live well.
Shawn
We might drawn distances.
But we know our heart is here.
I want you to know.
Deep inside you’re still my brother.
For life and I mean it.
WS.
My past.
I apologize.
I’m grateful.
For everything.
For anything.
In life.
There are unpredictable things.
Inevitable death.
Unvoiced accidents.
Parts and parcels of life.
I really did loved you a lot once.
But I’m sorry.
It swayed.
It went.
It flew.
My bad.
Live well.
Cherish what you have.
Life’s a learning journey.
Don’t be drag down by past.
They will only consume you.
And J.
Memories will hang by me.
I won’t forget.
I won’t look back.
All the best and sorry.
I might made a lot assumptions.
You might claimed that those are made by me.
No evidence.
Hear this.
I’m a very observant person.
I don’t think or react someway or another.
For no reason.
I won’t blame you.
Nor anyone.
But myself.
Mistaken is what I would call.
Misled would what it would be.
Smile and don’t frown.
Grow old easily.
Smiles.
Brothers.
Memories.
Pubs sessions.
They’re great.
We might not really know each other for long.
But we cherish one another we know it.
But just that we don’t say it.
Now I will.
Life’s unpredictable ya.
All those running from tutorials and lectures were memorable.
All the ‘xia lan-ness’ talks.
Prata sessions are unforgettable.
Smoking period.
We smiled we laughed.
We frowned.
But we’re bonded.
YQ.
Don’t betray my trust.
I might not know whats going on exactly.
But at least roughly.
I don’t blame anyone.
All I ask for is frankness.
Theres no need to lie at this point of time.
Mutual trust between us yea.
I might forgive you once.
Twice.
But I cant guarantee you how many more times.
I trusted you.
I hoped you do to me.
We’re closer then any couples remember?
If you realized I don’t really care about that debt anymore.
Haha. Jokes.
I’m not a gay by the way.
All the best.
I would die for anyone.
I would lay my life down for you guys.
In your place.
If things were to happen.
J.
YQ.
Shawn.
WS.
Chris.
Ivor.
Bert.
Tere.
XF.
Duck.
Cheers!
=)
I would lay my life down for anyone.
Even strangers.
Cause I’ve seen enough in life.
I can no longer figure out what I still yearn for.
My life is no longer lacking of anything.
I got memories.
I’ve got my lovers.
I’ve got my brothers.
They’re enough.
So I no longer see my worth and value.
Thus I’m writing this.
I don’t wish anyone of you people out there to come approach me regarding this post.
Especially my tagboard.
Keep it to yourself.
Don’t talk to me regarding this post.
Cause I’ll feign ignorance.
Death is something inevitable.
But I no longer have the motivation to avoid it.
Now I yearn for something.
Something special.
I want to know.
Whats going to be like in afterlife.
Or even if it exist.
Cool ya.
Til here for this post.
Remember my request.
My purpose of this post is not trying to gain sympathy or whatsoever.
I just want people around me to know something more about me.
Something which no one knew.
A side which is unrevealed and hidden.
What you’ve seen is just a happy go lucky Cheng.
There is this side of me.
Which no one know.
My deep thoughts.
My own thinking.
Its time to let loose.
Sorry for getting carried away.
A little secret of mine.
No living being know this other then me.
I actually attempted to commit suicide when I was primary 5 or 6.
Scary huh.
But something we gotta keep in mind.
Life’s unpredictable.
We might just die later.
Period.

Life

2007-04-21T00:20:00.001+08:00

Life.
Whats actually life all about.
Why are we even living.
What do we live for.
Who do we live for.
What is life all about.

Life.
Is about everything.
Its about loving.
Its about losing.Life
Its about giving.
Its about risk.
Its about living.
Its about experiencing.
Its about dreams.
Lastly, Its about dying.

Loving.
We live to love.
We love to live.
We give love.
We take love.
We forsake love.
We nurture love.
Who do you love.
Who love you.
We pass our days loving people around us.
We care for them.
We look for for them.
We love them.
Family. Friends. Buddies. Spouse.
We live to see them succeed.
Because we love them don’t we.
There isn’t anyone who isn’t loved by someone else.
Maybe they are not the person you wanted them to love you.
Sad.
Then why don’t you live to love them.
Rather then wait for them to love you.
Live well.

Losing.
As time passes.
We see people around us leave.
Be it dead. Or gone.
They will leave sooner or later.
Matter of time.
Then why do you live.
Do you live to see people leave you.
Do you live to see people die.
Do you live to attend funerals of people you know.
Its inevitable that people will leave.
Its something everyone will go through.
Its part of life.
We cant prevent it.
Losing doesn’t apply only to people.
We lose love.
We lose possession.
We lose fame.
We lose respect.
Who doesn’t fall in life.
We doesn’t make mistakes.
No one is perfect.
Life is about learning your mistakes.
Picking up yourself.
Yes we can’t remove memories.
Its about how to overcome it.
Some self experience.
It was o level period.
Like any other students.
I’m taking o level.
And I’m good at maths and science but not languages.
I missed my add maths paper.
Of which I could have gotten at least a B.
It was a worse to blow to me ever.
Even now.
Yes I do regret.
Perhaps I could gotten myself to JC.
But looking on the things now.
If I were to went for the paper.
I wouldn’t know people I know now.
Many things wouldn’t happen.
Somethings lead to another and the next.
I picked myself up.
I learned to be organized and punctual.
Enough said.
Life is about ups and downs.
Its about storm and rain.
Its part of life.
No life is smooth sailing.
No matter how careful you are.
You’ll still fall and dealt damages
No things happen for no reason.
You might not see it now.
But you’ll see it in the future.
When something bad happened.
Ask yourself.
Why it happened.
How has it affect me.
What am I suppose to do now.
Yes.
There are times you cant answer yourself.
But theres an answer to every question.
Look for it.
Ask for comments.
They cant help you make decisions.
But they could unravel your thoughts.
Learn this well.
When you lose some.
You will earn some.
Live well.

Risk.
We’re taking risk.
Every moment.
Every minute.
Every single second.
Risking death.
The moment you cross the road.
You risk being knock down by drunken drivers.
When you confess.
You risk being rejected.
Even when walking.
You’re actually risking slipping down and knock your head and die.
Bet you never thought of it.
Yes.
Its stupid.
My point here is.
There are many small little details in life.
Where its too small that people often overlook them.
While actually all those small little things matters.
Pay more attention to people around you.
To your life.
As something don’t appear and happen for no reason.
They are there for a reason.
Period.

Look for your purpose of life.
Of your existence.
Something don’t appear and happen for no reason.
You’re that something.
I’m that something.
We’re all something.
We don’t appear for no reason.
We all contribute and affect others.
There are times when you unknowingly damage someone.
Or even kill someone.
If you’re unable to determine your purpose in life.
Ask yourself.
If you don’t exist right from the start.
What wouldn’t happen.
Would your friends and family be as it is now.
Would people whom you made them smile. Smile then.
Look at the brighter side of everything.
Learn.
Live.
Period.

Ps: Five person you will meet in heaven. It’s a very good book.

Sin

2007-04-13T05:53:00.000+08:00

Sin.
What is sin.
Wrong doings?
Faults?
Mistakes?

Definition from Dictionary.com.
- transgression of divine law
- any act regarded as such a transgression, esp. a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.
- any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse, etc.; great fault or offense:

Kind of.
Its more of doing something against moral principle.
Other words.
Self-definition.
Perhaps.
Since most of things are self definition.
You might define ‘Sin’ differently.

In this world.
Is there anyone who is not sinned.
Doubt so.
People make mistakes.
Grave ones. Unforgettable ones.
Its alright to make mistakes.
But the learning process should not be erased.
People always say.
Forgive and forget.
Easy said.
Well said.
Doing is a whole different story.

Just imagine.
[Reference from Saw 3]
If someone accidentally knock down your beloved 3 year old son.
One day. Somehow or another.
You are able to determine his fate.
2 choices.
30 seconds to pick.
To forgive him and let him live.
To seek revenge and death upon him.
What would you do.
I did a small survey.
More would pick the 2nd choice.
Mankind.
Law of nature perhaps.
The revengeful and cruel side of humanity.
Is this sin.
Or not.
Onlookers would say.
How can you be so cruel.
Players would say.
I did what I think its right.
In this case.
Whats right. Whats wrong.
Pick your stand.
Choose your side.

Something simpler perhaps.
Betrayal.
If someone betrayed you.
Took your family.
Possessions.
[If possible relate this to some drama.]
You worked hard.
Built everything from scratch.
One day.
You ruin his life.
His everything.
Is this right.
Or wrong.
Bible says.’ You reap what you sow’
Dealing the damage once dealt to you.
Back to the dealer.
Is this sin.

Who isn’t selfish.
Who doesn’t yearn for the better.
Who don’t love themselves.
Is trying to treat oneself better at the expense of others a sin.
Is being revengeful a sin.
Its your choice.
Its your life.
Period.

Change:People

2007-04-10T14:25:00.000+08:00

People changes.
Adapt. Grow and die.
Everything is changing.
Environment. People.
The clock will not stop ticking.
Everyone change.
And we’re all unique in our own way.
Two might be similar.
Definitely not the same.
People change.
Peer influence.
Environments.
Be it harsh or easy.
For the better.
Or the worse.

Peer influence.
Are your circle of friends good.
Or bad.
Do they help you.
Or ruin you.
What have you learn from them.
Stealing things?
Throwing temper?
Picking fights over staring incidents?
If your circle of friends did all those mentioned.
You’ll definitely will do those in matter of time.
Hanging around with them.
How can those help you.
How will those ruin you.
Police record?
Fun?
Excitement?
Is it worth the call.
Fun and excitement plus a police record.
Its your choice.
Its your life.
My advice.
Stop chasing rainbows and get a life.
Period.

Environments.
Environment where.
You can only give in.
But you are not allowed to take anything.
You’re always at fault.
No matter what you do.
Even if you’re right.
A life so threatened.
A life where happiness seems so far away.
Filled with misery and sorrow.
Its adapt. Or die situation.
People changes then.
Aggressive.
Self centered.

People.
We adapt. We change.
We live. We die.
Affected and changed by other people.
There is no good.
There is no bad.
Self-definition.
In a relationship.
Where you have no freedom.
Where you’re physically and mentally strained.
Where you’re thrown with everything.
Where you know its your limit yet it won’t stop.
People change people.
Period.

Change:Past

2007-04-05T11:52:00.001+08:00

Change.
In life.
Theres something that cannot be changed.
One man’s past.
Once hurt.
Once killed someone.
Once Cheated.
No one. Nothing.
Its something unmovable.
Can never be erased.
Yet we still got a choice of how to handle it.
You can choose to accept it.
Or to be drag down by it.
Allow it to haunt you.
Same to others as well.

Suppose you’re a manager.
Would you hire a ex convict.
Give him a chance.
Accept his past.
Or. Still see him as a murderer.
Condemn him.
Its your choice.
Its his life.
To ruin it.
Or let it have a 2nd chance.
Period.

When you failed yourself.
Like overslept an o level paper.
Of which you could get distinction.
Would you be able to get over it.
Or stuck there.
Blaming yourself.
Suffer from depression.
Or to quickly accept it.
Get over it.
Learn from it.
Its easier said then done.
Its just another excuse.
Maybe.O level is small case.
What if you got raped.
Think about it.
Period.

Sadly.
There are times
When people picked themselves up.
Yet pulled down by people.
Like they accepted their past. Their failure.
But due to gossips.
Cold stares.
They all can bring a person down.

Story sharing period.
2 frog.
1 deaf frog.
1 normal frog.
Both of them fell inside a well.
So deep that its known to be bottomless.
So the rest of the other frogs gathered around the well.
In stead of cheering for them.
They were boo-ing them.
“its so deep.””Sure die”
“Don’t waste your energy. Just die”
The normal frog gave up.
But the deaf frog tried even harder.
And he managed to jumped out of the well.
Cause in his perception.
The other frog was cheering for him.

An encouraging word to someone who is down can life them up and help them make it through difficult times.

A destructive word to someone who is down , can be what it takes to kill them.
The tongue has the power to control life and death.

Relationship

2007-03-27T00:52:00.000+08:00

Relationship.
What is relationship.
Something between people.?
Perhaps.

Different relationship is maintained by different factors.
Enemies, friends families.
Enemies Foes.
Hatred. Distrust. Misery.
People who are insecure always mistaken.
Mistaken that people are always trying to harm them.
Cause by distrust for others.
Why bother doing when you will only bring misery to ownself.
Causing such depression and such trouble.
Pointless.
Competition.
The want to win and outbeat people.
Its good to be motivative.
But over limit will lead to destruction of oneself.
Why.
By trying hard to win.
You will be at your best.
But some will use underhand means.
To gain ultimate advantage.
Purpose? To win.
Pointless.
Might as well end your own life.
Causing such misery to others and oneself.

Mutual trust. Mutual Respect.
Something that has to be earned. No doubt.
Something that keeps a family going.
Something that keeps a brotherhood running.
Something that holds a couple together.
Something that is broken.
Will be hard to retrieve back.
A mother have to be trustful one child actions.
Yes its understandable to care.
But some are overboard.
You know it. We know it.
Personality perhaps.
A brother have to respect each other.
Stepping over head.
Conflict occurs.
Wasted.
A guy or female have to have faith in each other.
To trust in each other actions and thinking.
Believing in each other.
It you don’t respect nor trust others.
Don’t ever expect others to do so towards you.
Period.

People

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People come.
People go.
Or they stay.
But definitely they will die.
We meet people everyday.
Strangers, friends buddies families.
What are friends.
A person who knows you by your name?
Or someone whom ‘just happen to know’
Perhaps someone whom you talked to before?

Definition taken from www.dictionary.com
- a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
- a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter
- a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile
- a member of the same nation, party

Friends.
Do they just ‘come and go’
Or do they walk pass you without even saying ‘hi’
When they can even forget your name.
Or you forgetting theirs.
We got plenty of friends.
But who will be there when u needed them.
Perhaps this is the extent of buddies.
Then I ask you.
What are friends for.
Speak for yourself.
Soul-searching. Period.

Buddies.
Who you claim buddies.
To what extend. I ask. Or rather you ask yourself.
Will you die for them in their place.
Will they do the same for you.
Many punks claim. This brother.That brother.
When they talk behind another’s back.
Your die-hard buddies.
How many are you will to die for.
How many are there will to die for you.
Play and have fun together.
Wont be a problem.
But when problem arises.
Will they face it with you.
Will you face it with them.
Period.

Families.
Do you cherish your relatives.
Be it aunt. Uncle. Cousins.
Seeing them perhaps once a year?
Do you ask them well.
Do you with them well.
Or do you wish them well for the sake of red packet.
Do you even care for them.
Parents.
Do you quarrel with them.
Have you ever understand their stand.
Forsaking their unconditioned love.
Who are you to throw your voices at them.
With them giving so much to you.
Without them. There wont be you.
Who are you people.
To disobey them.
To pay them with violence.
Yes. Some parents are overboard.
But. Have you ever tried understanding their stand.
“Everything have an action and reaction”
What action of yours. Caused their reaction.
Are you right. Are they right. Or both at fault.
It takes two hand to claps.
Period.

Self Defination

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Are you rich.Are you poor.Are you happy.
How do you define rich or happy.
Maybe to you, having 1 million is rich.
On other hand, maybe its only average to others.
Different people define things differently.
And its the root to your happiness.

Compare two person.
A person who yearns for the best for everything.
A person who yearns for self sufficiency.
Who would be more happy then the other.
You can see it yourself.

Best.
Whats the best possession you ever had.
Different people yearn for different things.
Sad to say. Nothing in this is world is labeled 'best'.
Because nothing is perfect, things are ever improving.
When you compare what you possess and what others have.
You will realise you have nothing compared to them.
Jealousy sets in here.
Leading to greed which will bring nothing but problems.
Yes. It might serve as a motivation.
A push for people to go an extra mile.
It all depends on the event and players.
Would you make your life miserable,
always yearning for the better,
A vicious cycle of mankind.
Or lead a simple life for self sufficiency.
Its your choice, Its your life.

Heres a story to share.
In front of a field,
There stand a teacher and a student.
The teacher said to the student.
“Walk across the field,
and pick a grass which you think is the most beautiful.
but you are not allowed to look back,
Nor turn back, only moving forward."
So the student did what he was told.
Then he found a pretty grass.
He thought to himself,
“I could find a better grass.”
So he left that grass there and moved forward.
Moments later he found another nice grass.
But he told himself the same thing.
And the cycle carried on.
Not realizing it himself,
It’s the end of the field.
Without a grass picked.

The field is your life.
The grasses are the things you came across.
Be it chances, possession or people.
Story line. Decide for yourself.