Motivation

I've been thinking about it.
Why am i so introvert when it comes to life death stuff and extrovert when it comes to any other things.
So perhaps.
I don't have the motivation.
To live well and keep alive.
Motivation.
A force that will allow any humans to push themself.
Something that can only be felt.
and known.
For you to study.
For you to rest.
For you to stay happy.
And to live.
Your families.
Your friends.
Your responsibilities.
Their importance.
Your presence.
Why are you studying.
Why are you living.
Cause you want to attain something.
A goal.
A dream.
Or something you cant let go.
Something that is holding you back and keeps you on the run.
Different people got different views and perception.
Whats yours.
Whats mine.
I wonder.
Nothings holding me back.
Theres nothing i cant let go.
Thats what i've come to a realization.
Perhaps i'm too complicated.
So complicated that sometimes i wonder what i am.
Who i am.
Thus i will not expect anyone to comprehand this.
And i will not allow anyone to.
For the existance of holding me back will not appear.
Everyone got their life.
Yet its affected and affecting others.
How amazing.
Independence.
No human could live on their own.
But what i believe.
Impossible is just an excuse.
Excuse to run away.
Its true isn't it.
For nothing is perfect.
For there is an end to every beggining.
But the end is the begginging of another.
The beggining is also the end of the other.
How amazing things can be.

So i've come to a conclusion myself.
I'm this way because i lack of motivation.
Purpose.
And any other things to keep anyone going.
Perhaps its my can't be bothered attitude.
I wonder.
Bothering too much will be so troublesome at times.
Why bother.
Like i said.
Being a burden is not my cup of tea.
Avoidence is always a better way out for me.
Excuse you might say it.
But i'm moulded this way.
Such tuning.
I love.
Being frank.
Why would someone else be a burden of the other.
Whats the point.
To cause them have more things to worry for.
Whats the purpose.
I cant see.
I cant perceive.
This is my perception perhaps.
For i know.
What is tomorrow never come theory.
Perhaps thats what made me.
Like i said.
We never know when we'll die.
Accidents and stuff are unexpected.
Having so many things to worry for and having to many people worrying for you.
And you die the next moment.
Whats the point.
I cant perceive.
Perhaps someone would enlighten me.
I don't see the point trying so hard to live when you will die eventually.
I believed.
As long as you're not a burden or pillar to anyone.
Your death doesn't matter.
Plus.
Even if you die.
The world continues turning.
Nothing stops.
The clock ticks on.
People move on.
You move on.
Eventually.
Life.
How amazing.
Such contradictions.
How profound.
Period.

P.S:
Things are better this way.
Smoother sail for you.
What you claimed.
What i claimed.
I believed mine.
And i'm sure of it now.
Things are easier for you.

Song for post.
Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional.
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So, mesmerizing, so hypnotizing,
I am captivated, I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn
up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever

Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'll be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Like hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...