Desire

Different people got different needs and wants.
There we got different type of people.
Mainly two types by distinct differences.
Materialistic and Spiritual people.
some people go for brands.
for tangible products.
no its not wrong.
actually its perfectly fine.
on other hand.
spiritual people are people who yearn for love, care and trust.
basicly friends and recognisation.
yup its not wrong too.
both are not wrong and are realistic in their own way.
different people are influenced differently and brought up in different ways.
yet.
whats the major differences actually.

let me link this to existance.
when you die.
does your existance remain.
by being materialistic or spiritual.
will you live in the memories and heart of the others.
and remembered for their lifetime.
or would you choose to live in a world of your own.
where when you die.
you will be forgotten soon after.
determine you route.
your life.
once again.
its your life.
its your choice.
period.

"The most beautiful thing in life can only be felt."
(:

ps:
i wont give up.
i wont surrender.
this is my resolution.
just try and stop me now.
(:

Read my mind by The Killers

On the corner of main street
Just tryin' to keep it in line
You say you wanna move on and
You say I'm falling behind

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The good old days, the honest man
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees
A broken wrist and a big trapeze

Oh well I don't mind, if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go, can you read my mind?

It’s funny how you just break down
Waiting on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soaking my spine

Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?

The teenage queen, the loaded gun
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, the world unseen
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you jump,
Tell me what you find..
When you read my mind

Slipping in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said I don't mind if you don't mind
'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Put your back on me
Put your back on me
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds, cut out of the sun
Can you read my mind

Life Lesson:2

hmm.
lets talk about ability VS desire.
simply means can and cant VS want and dont want.

people always got confused between these two terms.
some use they dont want when the situation is they do not have the ability to accomplish so.
dont blame them.
for we humans are imperfect in nature.
before concluding things.
determine your ability.
determine if you can or cant.
before you decide if you want it or not.
dont get confused.
for it might cause perception error to others.
or perhaps some other undesirable consuquences.
know the differences.
your ability.
and your desire.
things aint that simple.

For now.
i do not wish to back out.
even if i want to.
i doubt i have the ability to.
for whats done is done.
(:

decipher the meaning.
i just love mind games (:

Life is like a boat by Rie Fu(English Translated)
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day

Somewhere far away, you're breathing in, and I want to become transparent
I was thinking of darkness but I was only blindfolded

I dedicate a prayer and wait for a new day
To your side of the brilliantly shining sea

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong

People's hearts go fishing, they eventually want to sneak away
The moon in a new cycle accompanies the boat

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong

The journey will continue even on a calm day
The moon in its new phase accompanies the boat

I dedicate a prayer and I wat for a new day
Until your side of the brillinantly shining sea

And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore

I row Destiny's boat, the waves come one after another and they attack us but
This too is a beautiful journey, it is all a beautiful journey

Burden

burden.
something that drags you down.
that pulls you down.
that hold you back.
that obstruct your dreams.
but this is reality.
there is no soul who does not have burden.
your family.
your bonds.
your relationships.
your work.
your responsibilities.
all that pressures you.
to tackle.
or avoid.
to run away.
or find other way.
there are many challenges and obstacles in life.
no doubt.
every fall.
is a lesson.
theres a purpose and reason why things happen or exists.
determine it.
remember it.
recognise it.
giving up.
lose yourself.
face it.
learn from it.
its your choice.
its your life.

flight.
no strings attached.
burden.
bonds.
ties.
emotions.
i will not surrender.
i will perservere.
breaking the strings.
oblivion.
independence.

i've seen too much.
known too much.
be it not allowed or not supposed to.
somehow i know it all.
being intelligent isn't great.
my conclusion.
perhaps the stupid'est' person is the happiest person.
for he know no burden nor pain.
i know too much.
too much.
the conclusion.
but its alright.
its still on the right track.
flowing the way i planed it to be.

let me make myself clear.
everything you people try to decipher about are just your assumptions.
not conclusions.
remember.
only i and me who knows it better then none.

When the time is right.
The truth will come to light.
being patience is the key.

lets play some mind games.
i love them.
:)

Nature

just came back from Tioman today.
yup. pretty place. very.
the serenity.
the peace.
the nature.
the motherland.
i'm in love.
with nature.
so mesmerizing.
the corals.
the fishes.
the clams.
the oysters bigger then my head.
the shellfish longer then my arm.
they are so beautiful.
so special and unique.
i could spend hours just obersving them.
i detest humans.
their care for them.
they dont care.
they cant be bothered.
they take it for granted.
they ruin them.
they caused the extinction.
the nature gave us everything.
yet we returned none.
we're just so rotten.
so selfish.
this trip.
this journey.
the conclusion.
the world is rotten.
and i wished.
disaster would color every soul.
disease would stain every body.
i curse every soul alive.
even myself.
drop your mortal desire.
free yourself.
let go.
attachments.
take flight.
be embraced.
realize the truth.
learn them.
know them.
and die.

PS:
People
Stop the act.
Stop the lies.
Stop the hiding.
When i know everything.
Never underestimate nor belittle a complicated person.
I know of it.
But its alright.
Its flowing on my track.
(=

Life Lesson:1

To learn to live first you have to learn to die.
Adapted from the book 'tuesday with Morrie:an old man, a young man and life's greatest leson'
Found this sentence meaningful thus here i am blogging about it.
Dont be mistaken.
I'm not talking about physical death by mentioning die.
What it mean is prepared to die.
Are you ready to die.
What are the things holding you behind.
Are you doing all what you need to do.
Are you being the person you want to be.
Are you able to answer all these questions.
What are your answers.

Learn to die.
Is to prepare yourself for death.
To finish up your unfinised job.
Your goal.
Your responsibilities.
Your families.
Your work.
By having a clearer vision of your goal.
Then you will be prepared.
Til then you will be able to pay attention to the smallest thing affecting your life.
Its because.
No one believes they'll die so soon.
Leading to a life that they will let chances slip by them.
Unable to pay attention to their own life.
They're all blinded by the assumption that they are not dying at the very moment.
But the fact is.
No one actually know when they die.
No one dared to face this fact.
They would bet on their life is gonna last longer then that.
That of their assumption and perception.
So learn this well.
Remember this by heart.
Human are not invincible.
Its only a thin line between life and death.
Do what you can in this life.
For you do not know when your life will end.
And i bet no one wish to regret their life ended suddenly.
Its the smallest thing that make life beautiful.
Know this by heart.
I hope you people would be able to comprehand the saying.
To learn to live, first you have to learn to die.
But one warning.
When one learn to live.
He will not be as ambitious.
For when one is prepared for death.
One would not look far.
Its your choice.
Its your life.
Period.

Emotions

last update : 11/06

Something no one can control.
Something every soul possess.
Something powerful.
Something that could consume of a person.
Or set one free.
Or make someone matured.
To shape and mould someone.
Everyone has it.
But everyone has different way of handling.

"The way you contain and express your emotions make alot difference in and to your life." by Lucille.

How do you contain and express your emotions.
Love.
Hate.
Anger.
Sadness.
Depression.
By right theres no right or wrong in how you contain or express.
But by left it will have an impact on your life.
One of the deciding factor in your life.
Think about it.
Ponder over it.

Personally.
Since young.
I've always been hiding my emotions.
What i felt.
How i felt.
My thoughts.
My feelings.
Til now.
I chose to conceal my emotions.
I hide and keep them.
For letting it out would be such a trouble.
For no one would understand even if i tell.
My this post would be the last leak of my emotions.
With my life on the line.
Into the oblivion.
Once again.
Boy.
Princess.
The forsaken.
The forgotten.
The forbidden.
The taboo.
The words that would mentioned and brought up anymore.
The non-existance.
They died.
They rot.

Let the songs define my emotion,mood,feelings
Me.

"Dreams all forgotten
Memories all turn rotten."
taken from Ransom Letter by Pug Jelly.

"Hey thanks for that summer.
Its cold where you're going i hope that your heart is always warm.
I gave you the best that i have."
taken from So Long Sweet Summer by Dashboard Confessionals

"I miss you
Miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found
It won't be the same"
taken from Slipped away by Avril Lavigne

"I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside
All I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
All by myself I need to get around this
My words are cold
I don't want them to hurt you
If I show you
I don't think you'd understand
'Cause no one understands"
taken from Take Me Away by Avril Lavigne.

"I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know"
taken from It End Tonight by The All-American Rejects

"Walks a-lone, have often lead to thinking
My love for you is sinking to what seems an all time low
or high, the limits' never ending,
And don't you know I'm sending
There's no venture I won't go
For you"
taken from Happy Endings by The All-American Rejects

"I should warn you
Things you're feeling
Aren't normal now
Think you need me
It's not easy
To let you go somehow"
taken from Too Far Gone by The All-American Rejects

"Leave me be
Now I'm free
Love reflecting everything
You want space
I need you to help me see this through
There she goes
There she goes"
taken from Your Star by The All-American Rejects

" can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

"What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do"
taken from What Hurts the most by Rascal Flatts.

"now I could make this obvious and you,
you could deny me
all in one breath
you could shrug me off your shoulders
Just Forget me. Its that simple."
taken from Your Disaster by Taking Back Sunday.

"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone"
taken from Scars by Papa Roach.

"There's nothing I can say.
To change that part.
To change that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak."
taken from Famous Last Words by MCR.

"You're just a sad song with nothing to say
About a life long wait for a hospital stay
And if you think that I'm wrong,
This never meant nothing to ya"
taken from Disenchanted by MCR.

"Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday"
taken from Way back into love.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life"
taken from How To Save A Life by The Fray.

"It’s not easy to be me"
taken from Superman by Five For Fighting.

"I'm sorry
If I slagged you down, I meant no harm
When I heard the stories
Said things I didn't mean "
taken from Meet you there by Busted.

"all the time that i know
sometimes we just have to let some things go
letting go is my life
I'll be on my way"
taken from Kind of Perfect by Armor For Sleep

"The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight"
taken from Anthem Of Our Dying Day by Story of the Year

"No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me"
taken from Welcome to my life by Simple Plan.

"As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done"
taken from Untitled by Simple Plan.

"And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you."
taken from You're Beautiful by James Blunt.

"I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear"
taken from The Reason by Hoobastank.

"'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today"
taken from November Rain by Guns N Roses.

"Take me as you are
Push me off the road
I'm freezing in the sun
I'm burning in the rain
I never would have known
oblivion is falling down"
taken from The Day You Said Goodnight by Hale.

"I swear the happiest day of my life is the day that I died"
taken from Day that i die by Good Chalotte.

"As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye?
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye?
My foot is out the door and you can't stop me now
You wanted the best
It wasn't me
I'll see you again
You'll pretend you're naive
Is this what you want?
Is this what you need?
As I go remember all the simple things you know
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope
That you will miss me when I'm gone
This is the last song
Somehow I knew that it would be this way
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade
Now I am gone
Just try and stop me now"
taken from The Last Song by The All-American Rejects.

Cuts on my arms.
The physical pain.
Remind me of my existance.
Interestingly.
I realise something.
Since young.
I've already taken an interest in blood and death.
Only that its has taken its flight now.
I've made up my mind.
I've got a plan.
No ones gonna ruin it.
The overpowering curiosity.
Consuming.
Taking control.
Devoured.
I think i know what i truly want now.
I think i know whats my life about now.
I think i know whats my purpose now.
For this would be the last plan being carried out.
My life is my stage.
Everyone would be involved.
I'll be the key person.
And everyone will know whats the project in the end.
For this is, Project:"Farewell".
The show starts now.

My fatal decision.
My fatal rescue.
My fatal bet.
My fatal truth.
My fatal break through.
My fatal desire.
My fatal patience.
My fatal curiosity.
My fatal secret.
My fatal belief.
My fatal existance.
My fatal lesson.
My fatal realization.
My fatal complication.
My fatal contradictions.
My fatal determination.
My fatal obsession.
My fatal emotions.
My fatal 2007.
My perfect ending.
My Fatal Project:Farewell.

Consequences

Lets begin with my favourite.
Everything don't occur and appear for no reason.
They exist with a purpose.
So i would like to say that every input will definately have an output.
Every action you take.
Every decision you make.
Will have an impact.
Be it yourself.
Or others.
Be it directly.
Or indirectly.
Somehow one way or another.
It will have an consequences.
Be it good or bad.
There are situations where one make an action without considering the consequences in a moment of rash or sub concious state.
Reckless.
Foolish.
I would claim thats a one sided assumption.
For we don't know if they even have a choice.
People often forget something.
That they themselves are not perfect.
People make mistakes.
Though the consequences are harsh.
But its your choice.
To put yourself in their shoe that is.
So remember this.
Every input has an output.
People are not perfect.

Alright.
Was talking or rather debating with YQ just now.
Talking about lots of stuff.
So we sort of came across this regarding my post: Belief.
Expectedly.
We both have different stand and views.
So he was saying about consequences.
I did though about it.
From the worse to worse.
i seriously did.
But i cannot be bothered.
People have a choice is what i believe.
To be affected by what i say that is.
To read my blog that is.
To debate with me that is.
They do have a choice.
So do i.
I choose to voice out.
Regardless of the consequences.
I cannot be bothered.
Then we were saying worth.
My sayings.
Everybody a somebody.
Nobody's a nobody.
Everyone is worth something and no one is worthless that means.
He was asking about my worth.
So i was saying.
Yes i do worth something but i cannot be bothered with that worth of mine.
So he said.
Since i cannot be bothered about anything.
Why am i living.
Shouldn't i just die.
Here i'm thinking.
Maybe i should.
Just die that is.
Isn't life about dying.
No one lives forever.
I've had enough of life also.
I've got my experiences.
Pointless.
Will take into consideration.

Came across this song.
Slipped away by Avril Lavigne.
So nostalgic.
It reminds me of everything.
I miss her.
Somehow i still do.
The concealed emotions.
I asked myself why, why and why.
I cant find the answer.
Bombarded with doubts and questions.
I myself have no idea whats inside my head.
All that remains.
All that stayed.
Memories.
Histories.
Somehow it just reminds me of the moments.
The sadness.
The pain.
I kept away.
I held back.
I hide inside.
I bade farewell.
To her.
To him.
To us.
To myself.

Song for post.
Slipped away by Avril Lavigne.
Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you

Priority

This is what i believe.
The most important key to success is the abiliy to prioritize.
Even if you got the ultimate determination and motivation.
You will or might not be successful if you are not able to prioritize your goals.
Yourself.
Your family.
Your friends.
Your career.
Your spouse.
Your sworn ties.
Which will you pick.
What will you be.
Who will you choose.
What do you look for in life i ask then.
Fun.
Enjoyment.
Money.
Family.
Fame.
Job status.
Your choice.
People are selfish.
Humans are rotten.
You would probably argue.
Not every.
I agree not every.
Its about what your priority and how far would you go for it and how would you go about for it.
People do anything to earn fame, wealth and recognition.
It just makes them happy.
While others, they invest their time and money to help others.
As they feel good helping others.
What i'm trying to say here it.
Different people perceive happiness and success differently.
but though their goals are different, their priority might be the same.
or their goals are the same, while priorities are different.
One could go for wealth for their family.
One could go for wealth for themselves.
One goal two priority.
One could go for fame for themselves.
One could go for wealth for themselves.
Two goal one priority.
Interesting huh.
Thats us.
Humans.
Being both ugly and beautiful.
Rotten and honest.
We contradicts ourselves.
Period.

Been out the past 2 days.
The day before when drinking.
Well well.
Drown in grief.
Totally drunk.
Knock out session.
So bad that i got like 8 burnt scars on my both arm.
Most i did it myself and one has a diameter of a finger print.
Scary.
Gonna get infection soon.
Yesterday went to hotel and overnight with ivor bert kaili yq and charmaine.
Its ivor bd today lol.
Yea yea.
Went swimming in the middle of the night and did lots of stupid stunts lol.

PS:
The voices running through my head.
The screams tearing my concentration.
So random.
So consuming.
Their calling out.
I can hear them.
But i dont understand their existance.
I'm unable to comprehand.
I don't know what i'm doing.
I don't care where i'm heading.
Whats life actually.
I wonder.

Anthem of our dying days.
The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight
And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air
And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops
Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly...
Exactly what I need

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face
If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Of our dying day
Of our dying day
Of our dying!!!

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city
And you gasp for air tonight!!

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day
From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire
And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

Our dying day
Of our dying.